15 Agonizing Automotive Atrocities

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<p>Y.</p>

Te, we got it out of the way. When you read the headline, of course an image of a tiny Cold War-era hatchback popped into your head. We bet you also shuddered at the thought of a Pontiac Aztek.</p>

e also: <p><h Why the Iconic Yugo Isn’t Just a Punchline</a>

Wove to poke fun at failure, and no failure made a punchline better than the Yugo. We found that out while talking with <a hn Vuic</a>thor of <em>Yugo: The Rise and Fall of the Worst Car in History</emic was aware that the Yugo fell far short of being a good car, but what truly amazed him was how many people who had never driven a Yugo knew just how bad it was. In failure, it became a wild viral marketing success.</p>

Nall cars rose to level of infamy embodied by the Yugo. To paraphrase Shakespeare, some cars were born awful while others had awfulness thrust upon them. Some automotive atrocities were the result of automakers trying something new and falling far short of the mark, while other cars failed from a lack of effort. Still others were perfectly adequate cars but came to represent a regrettable moment in time.</p>

Hwe display all three kinds of auto-trocities, highlighting famous failures and digging deep to dredge up detritus better off forgotten. Yes, we know there are many, many more automotive atrocities and this list only scratches the surface of the heap. You’ll have a chance to list your favorite heaps tomorrow, so stay tuned.</p>

Ae: <str Trident</st5-1966</p>

Fus from appearances on <em>Gear</em <em>ter Garage</eme Peel Trident was a “shopping car” built on the Isle of Man. Along with the bubblelicious BMW Isetta and the fiberglass Reliant Robin, the Trident was ridiculed for its small size and three wheels.</p>

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scentury before the Octomom, M.O. Reeves attracted stares with the Octoauto he built by adding four more wheels to an Overland. As the ad says, this was done to offer the smoothness of a train ride and to save on tire wear. After the Octoauto proved to be a failure, Reeves built a six-wheeled Sexto-Auto that sold exactly one unit.</p> <a

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f=trong>Batton Flyer</strong> 19>Now

nr building lawnmowers, Briggs & Stratton built an almost-automobile that looks like a failed Soap Box Derby entry. With a wood frame doubling as chassis and suspension, the Flyer (on the right, natch) is so easy to build and terrifyingly fun to drive that plans for replicas are readily available online. The Flyer sold for as low as $125, making it the world’s least expensive car. You can’t even buy a push mower for that much these days.</p> <p><em>

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ttg>Helic**> 1932<**/passe

saircraft taxiing to the runway, we’ve often wondered what a plane would be like if it spent all its time on the ground. The makers of the Helicron concept obviously had similar ideas, but unfortunately brought them to reality. The French car uses a propeller to move it slowly down the road and up hills. According to <a href="http:///a>, top speed a gusty 60 miles per hour.”</p> <p><em>Phot

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://////nault Drong> 1956-1967<derpowered

oto rust and imported from France, the Dauphine was destined to become a punchline. With a positively anemic rear-engine driving the rear wheels, the bug-eyed Dauphine was capable of a 0-60 sprint in a leisurely 37 seconds. It topped out at 70, but we wouldn’t recommend any speeds over 35 on a road that presents such challenges as curves or wind. Despite its drawbacks, its low price made it a <a href="http://en.wrope</a> faster than any that came before it.</p> <p><em>Photo of

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wwchsenri**/strong> 1957-1991</p>** t debuted

aGermany in 1957, the Trabant was a decent car that could compete with subcompacts from the West. When the barely-improved Trabant ceased production some 34 years later, Easterners abandoned them on roadsides after moving West — <a href="http://www.yout (video). Despite a l footprint and good gas mileage, the Trabant was an environmental disaster with a smoky two-stroke engine and a <a href="http://en.wikipcould notrecycled or disposed without creating toxic fumes.</p> <p><em>Photo: <a hr

hww.flict has tothe world’s biggest masochist is rally racing what has to be the world’s nicest Trabant RS. We’re surprised the navigator isn’t pushing the car.</em></p> <a href="https

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hters,” the AMC Gremlin was a small car in the days before the first oil crisis, and as such immediately appeared out of place. By the standards of the 1970s, it was a decent car: Unlike its domestic competitors — the Ford Pinto and Chevy Vega — the Gremlin never gained notoriety for catching fire when hit from behind and didn’t have an aluminum engine that could barely last 50,000 miles. Still, its silly name, a<em>vant garde</em> styling associatioh the 1970s made it a joke on wheels.</p> <p><em>Photo: <a href="

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eLooking like a parasitic relationship between a Dymaxion car and a Buick Riviera, the chromed-out Fascination was originally built to be propeller-powered like the Helicron, but a traditional drivetrain and Volkswagen engine were installed <a href="http://www.tomstrongmanopeller failed dura test run. The current owners lovingly restored it, but keep it as a trailer queen due to the risk of distracting other drivers.</p> <p><em>Photo: Jim Merithew

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ponse to pollution laws and crash test requirements, and as such it lost most of the pony car performance of the original Mustang. While it was a decent automobile for the time, the II was widely derided by enthusiasts as what happens when government regulations get in the way of building a great car.</p> <p><em>Photo of the 1976 Ford M

nbra: Ford</em></p> <a href="https://www.wired

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opstrong>/p> <p>A departure fraditional

pthat made Aston Martin famous, the Lagonda featured four doors and an opulent interior. With a three-speed Chrysler transmission, an unreliable digital instrument panel and styling like a Volvo 740 stretched out on silly putty, it’s now hard to believe the Lagonda was once one of the most expensive cars ever sold.</p> <p><em>Photo: Aston Marin</em></p>

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hugo was a Yugoslav-built version of a Fiat 127 that started out as a wild sales success after its US debut. A <em>Consumer Reports</em> review recommended buyers spend th3990 (actually $4400 — read the fine print) on a used car. Sales dried up and cash-starved Yugo America folded, but the tiny car from a Communist country lives on as a joke.</p> <a href="https://www.wired.com/autopia/

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0/2-1988<e-engineering at , the Cima

a thinly disguised Chevy Cavalier that tarnished the image of the Cadillac brand. The car was rushed into production to compete with smaller, European luxury cars. Unfortunately, it had all of the performance and refinement of a Cavalier — at double the price. Amazingly, the General let it live for six years.</p> <p><em>Photo: General Motors. GM has scrubb

lnce of the Cimarron from the Cadillac photo archive, but we found this in Flickr. Thanks, <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/hugo90/412com/aua

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mnt in time? The Hummer embodied all of the hegemonic hubris of the 1990s and early 2000s, and it’s fitting that the brand is in the process of being wound down after a Chinese buyer backed out of a deal. Yeah, even the comparatively small H3 was a capable SUV, but it comes with far more baggage than could ever fit in its 25 cubic feet of cargo area.</p> <p><em>Photo: General Motors. For some reason,

rp://www.warrickbrant.com.au/">“internatig-of-war with an H3.</em></p> <a href="s://www.wired.com/autopia/201

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agp>Like cars, the Azttually hal

ent. One of the first crossover vehicles, Pontiac promoted the Aztek as having all the best attributes of an SUV without the lousy handling and marketed it to young, active consumers. Unfortunately, they also made it ugly as sin. Even a <a href="https://www.wired.com/autopia/2009/11/blind-artal Motors. Lynn Meyers, who

ineral manager at the time, high-fives partygoers after introducing the world’s ugliest automobile at the Detroit auto show.</em></p> <a href="https://www.wired.com/autopia/2010/05

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<p>Thestill out, but te the Porsch

nra as a future automotive atrocity. Is it an exceptionally capable luxury sedan? Of course. But like the Cayenne before it, the Panamera is an anathema to Porsche purists. With four doors and room for four suitcases in the trunk (a <em>trunk</em>! In the rear!) the Panamera has already been lesslked by 13-year-old boys and 911-owners alike. If, over time, it proves to dilute the overall brand for the sake of immediate sales, it will be enshrined as a true automotive atrocity.</p> <p><em>Photo: Porsche</em></p>