Ayn Rand’s Harry Potter

Something many readers may have seen, but for those like me who hadn’t, here is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Objectivism, the first in the Harry Potter series as retold by Ayn Rand. Unfortunately the website doesn’t seem to provide a page with a link to all seven.

Here is the scene from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone in which Harry sees the parents he never knew, retold:

Harry and Ron stood before the Mirror of Erised. “My God,” Ron said. “Harry, it’s your dead parents.”

Harry’s eyes flicked momentarily over to the mirror. “So it is. This information is neither useful nor productive. Let us leave at once, to assist Hagrid in his noble enterprise of raising as many dragon eggs as he sees fit, in spite of our country’s unjust dragon-trading restrictions.”

“But it’s your parents, Harry,” Ron said. Ron never really got it.

Harry sighed. “The fundamental standard for all relationships is the trader principle, Ron.”

“I don’t understand,” Ron said.

“Of course you don’t,” said Harry affectionately. “This principle holds that we should interact with people on the basis of the values we can trade with them – values of all sorts, including common interests in art, sports or music, similar philosophical outlooks, political beliefs, sense of life, and more. Dead people have no value according to the trader principle.”

“But they gave birth to y–”

“I made myself, Ron,” Harry said firmly.