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Easy Steps To Get Respect

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By Maria Gamb

We’ve just come to the end of the summer, non-officially, post Labor Day weekend here in the states. The kiddies are heading back to school. In many parts of the country that happened this month. I can hear the screams of the children and the euphoric roars of the parents as the school buses pick up bundles of neighborhood kids. It’s a fresh new year, a fresh new start. For adults, heading back into the workplace after summer vacations and joyful sunny weekends at the beach can sometimes feel the same way for us: a mixture of dread and excitement.

While projects and goals are often the reality of business, the unfortunate reality of many leaders is that the interpersonal relationships and not the actual work create the anxiety they feel. Sometimes the best R&D I'm able to do is simply listening to conversations at parties or just sitting on the beach. This was the hot topic this summer: how do I get people to recognize me for who I am and the talent I bring to my organization? Or simply put, channeling Aretha Franklin, “How do I get some R-E-S-P-E-C-T?”

There is a difference between trust and respect. Trust is earned based on one’s actions, words and deeds. But respect is accrued over time based on your skill set. They are different but complimentary if executed properly.

An important factor to remember is that people do not respect titles nor positions. They respect individuals. Additionally, trust and respect are used often interchangeably, incorrectly. They are not the same. Often the cry for respect isn’t necessarily about lacking acknowledgement for a skill set or experience, but rather the trust they seek to have bestowed upon them to lead a team or an organization, as well as the trust of others to follow their lead without lip, guff or dissension.

With your skill set being strong, here are 5 ways to build trust and ultimately respect for your skills, leadership and ability to move the needle forward.

1)      Anchor with your Values – When you know what your top 3 values are, then you will guide your ship and steer your leadership in that direction. Should one of your values be integrity, then you’re more apt to utilize quantitative responses to situations to be in alignment with such a value. When a leader is rudderless, that is to say without clear indication of the values he holds important both personally and for the team, they don’t necessarily know what is expected of them.

2)      Practical Emotional Maturity – Refrain from emotional responses. No matter what is being discussed, keep breathing slower and deeper than your normal rate to help defuse a potential emotional reaction. Emotional responses trigger a chain reaction of emotions, so once the powder keg is lit it may be very hard to defuse or retract.

3)      Observe Mirroring and Adjust – Disruptions, disagreements or an out-and-out attack, even passive-aggressively, are clear indications that something is being reflected back to you. Sometimes this is something personal that needs to be addressed, such as setting boundaries, working on emotional maturity, amplification of one’s own fears or a direct mirroring of your behaviors and beliefs, to name a few. The more emotional your response to these issues, the clearer it is that there is something within yourself that needs adjustment. Do so, adjust, pivot and move forward.

4)      Respectful Disagreement – Not verbally agreeing with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you disagree nor agree with them. Meaning, you don’t need to point out that an individual is wrong in order for you to be correct in your process. Respectfully disagreeing is allowing others to have their say without retribution, backlash or being shamed. It is about allowing others to voice their needs even when you disagree with them.

Additionally, it’s important to note that differing opinions are often necessary catalysts for creative thought and inquiry. When we can embrace this as a helpful part of the problem solving process it will make larger and more complex problems easier to unravel.

5)      Build Trust –  There’s a principle widely used in leadership – The 3 C’s. Communicate Often, Be Clear and Be Consistent. People trust those who they can anticipate or know how they will react. In the frame of this discussion, you want them to know that you are a leader who operates with values, which you are clear in communicating to them. You are consistent in your expectation of them and yourself. You do not punish those who disagree with you and you are in control of your emotions. When you need to take responsibility for your own actions, you do. All of this essentially makes you a stable, steady individual they can respect, trust and...follow.

Consistency is essential in building trust and respect up the ladder and with those who work for you. No one really respects nor trusts a loose cannon. Respect based on a strong skill set and interpersonal relationships builds a reputation you can bank your career on.

Maria Gamb is the CEO and Founder of the leadership training and consulting firm, NMS Communications.  She is also the Amazon Top 10 best selling author of Healing the Corporate World. Website: www.MariaGamb.com Twitter: @mariagamb