Dear Rock Climbing, I Miss You. Let's Try This Again Soon?
This is how I should look and feel when I'm climbing... (D. Herscovitch) |
It's hard to keep the psych going sometimes. It's hard for me not to be completely committed to everything I do and climbing is no exception. I can't quell the will to get better, I can't stop wanting to push harder, and sometime, that's enough to prevent me from having fun.
It's been difficult to walk into the gym and just say, "today, I'm not going to worry about finishing problems or doing anything super hard, and just have fun." It's part of why I hesitated to compete, but also part of why bouldering comps are among my favorite climbing days. It's just who I am, but that intensity can burn me out.
It's even harder to keep the psych going when you're fighting powerful emotions. Climbing is, and likely always will be, terrifying to me. Even thinking about thinking about climbing a multi-pitch route is enough to get my heart racing, and not in a good way, in a run-and-hide sort of way. But a lot of people are afraid of climbing, right? And that's part of what keeps me going back for more. Climbing is a way to step out of the protective bubble that is everyday life and to get in touch with a side of myself I don't often see. Sometimes, though, my desire to fight the fear just isn't there. The thing I've learned lately is that it's not necessarily about fighting the fear, or making it go away; it's about accepting its presence and not letting it affect you. I've accepted the fear, but sometimes, that acceptance is a deterrent.
So, what am I doing about it?
I'm giving myself permission to take a break. I wrote a post about identity that was inspired by others' thoughts on what it means to be a climber. One of my conclusions was that it really didn't matter. It's not what we do that defines who we are. That said, it's still hard to hear people identify me as a climber when I haven't touched rock or plastic in weeks. I'm pushing all of that aside, recognizing I'm just not enjoying it as much as I want to be able to, and giving myself permission to take a break. When I go back to the gym or hit the crag again, I want to feel that sense of connection with what I'm doing, the beauty of the movement of climbing, and the love for the sport I haven't been able to channel lately.
I'm recognizing that things change, people change, and it's okay to accept the ebb and flow of our passions. I'll never stop loving climbing, but that doesn't mean I have to love it all the time. Part of being someone who thirsts for perfection is that it can be easy to get burned out. By allowing space for things like Crossfit in my life and spending less time obsessing about how I'm not climbing, I'm generally feeling better about, well, everything. Life is about balance; I only have a bit of time each day to spare for physical activity, I need to make that time count and feel good about it.
Now this? This I definitely miss! Yay ice! (D. Herscovitch) |
That's what I really miss - watching my friends excel and having them there to support me. It's also been great reading about things like the Chicks Climbing clinics and seeing some familiar local faces in the clinic reports. I'm feeding off of the energy and passion of the climbing friends I have who are out there doing great things.
I'm looking forward to ice season! The crisp air, the giant mug of hot cocoa at the base of the climb, the noise the tools make when you take a solid swing, standing on two tiny metal point stuck in a frozen waterfall...yep, I'm ready for winter. Ice climbing is a relatively recent discovery, and after getting out several times last winter, I can't wait to get out again this year.
Have you gone through ups and downs with climbing, or another sport you're passionate about? Any tips for getting through one of the "down" periods? Leave a comment!
Comments
I ALWAYS talk about the ebb and flow of emotions and desires! Take a look at where I came from: http://www.trackingteeny.com/about.html
You'll get back to it! Enjoy Crossfit in the meantime. Oh..and if you're looking for something to continue the Ebb and flow thinking, check out "The Power of Now." by Eckhart Tolle. It's sooo good!
Get it lady!
Thank you for putting this out there into the world! I have actually been what is now close to a six month break from rock climbing as well. I have been kicking my butt these past few days as friends email or call to see if I am going to be joining them on trips this fall. I have decided to spend the next two months back down in warmer temperatures so I can reignite my passion for climbing as well as combine that with my new found love for ice as well!
Keep finding that balance! I look forward to hearing an update come October!
Patti
Also, what aspect are you afraid of? Is it a fear of falling or a different fear. If it's a fear of falling, the best way to beat that is repeated practice. You should come down to the New with us this fall and we'll work on kickin' that fear. Soon you will be takin' whips and enjoying the air time :D
Until then, enjoy smashing out burpees. Crossfit is badass!
And, yes, I'm afraid of falling. I'm just generally afraid of being up high, which is part of why I love bouldering so much! Bouldering is definitely my favorite climbing discipline, and I knew when I couldn't even get myself to boulder, I needed a break. I think it'll all come back soon!
So, huff and puff I did this summer and focused on myself, my gardens, the outdoors in general and my friends. However, part of me looks forward to getting back to regular gym sessions, and who knows, maybe next summer, hit some real rock.
But something deep down tells me I'd still rather climbing a big mountain than a multi-pitch.
It's funny the timing of your post too - several of my girlfriends who were BIG rock climbers a few years ago have stepped back and found other sports they've thrown themselves into. I've actually enjoyed seeing them blossom like that because frankly, there's WAY more to life than rock climbing.
Katie I'm so glad I met you and I always look forward to seeing you whether its at Elite or on a Paddle board or at a bar!
Brian