It's tough to hide anything from our children, but we try anyway. We stash birthday presents in the attic, spell out words in front of toddlers and save arguments or tears for after their bedtime.
But our kids are smart, and they find our secrets no matter how hard we work to hide them. When a parent is sad or depressed, children figure it out pretty quickly. But how to explain it to them?
Crystal Godfrey LaPoint has written a book to help families cope with sadness called "When My Mommy Cries" ($19.99, Balboa Press). LaPoint, a pianist and composer, grew up in the Syracuse area and spend 35 years living and performing here before moving to Fitchburg, Mass. last summer. She also wrote the music for a CD that accompanies the self-published book.
The illustrations were created by Crystal Eldridge, of Cato, a lifelong friend of LaPoint's daughter who is now attending Onondaga Community College.
In the book, a little girl works to understand her mother's tears, while the mother reassures her she still loves her: "So now we often talk about / the sadness we can't name. / No matter what Mom's going through / There's no one here to blame."
Meet the author
Crystal Godfrey LaPoint will give a brief presentation, play her CD, answer questions and sign copies of "When My Mommy Cries" at 7 p.m. Wednesday, March 14 at Barnes & Noble, 3454 Erie Boulevard E., DeWitt.
The book can be purchased at the book signing, or online at
,
and
LaPoint's own life experiences inspired her to write the book, which is targeted to children ages 6 to 12. "My mother suffered with depression. When I was in high school, she went through bad periods, days on end when she didn't get out of bed," LaPoint said. "It was a very scary time for me."
In those days, people didn't talk about depression, she said. Her mother got better, but dealing with a family member's depression is like living with earthquakes, LaPoint said: There's always the possibility it will happen again.
When LaPoint was 17, she was diagnosed with depression herself. "It has been the demon on my shoulder for over 30 years," she said. LaPoint raised three children, much of that time as a single parent, while dealing with depression and anxiety.
Crystal Godfrey LaPoint"As parents, we feel we need to be the Rock of Gibraltar for our kids," LaPoint said. "We're human beings, we falter."
Children tend to assume that when something goes wrong it's because of something they did, LaPoint said. A vital point of the book is to reassure children that a parent's sadness is not their fault. "It may take considerable courage on the part of a parent to say 'I have this condition. It's called depression,'" she said. "It's never your fault and I am always here for you, no matter what."
Children aren't responsible for depression, but they can help support their parent on dark days with simple acts, such as offering a cup of tea or picking flowers.
The book comes with a CD that includes a recording of the book set to music, sheet music so young musicians or their parents can play the song themselves, a teacher's lesson guide and links to online resources with more information on mental health.
The CD allows a parent struggling with depression to share the story with a child without having to struggle though reading it. "They might find it really challenging to sit and read this book aloud without getting choked up," she said. "They can share the experience together. It relieves the parent of that obligation of having to read the book."
Statistics show most mothers who suffer from depression don't seek help, and that children of depressed parents are more likely to develop depression themselves, LaPoint said. Mental illness is stigmatized in a way that disabilities or cancer is not, she said. "When that child's parent is suffering from depression, people speak about it in whispers," LaPoint says. "It's a little bit shameful, a little bit embarrassing."
"I feel like a book like this just brings it out into the open and breaks the silence and says, 'There is no shame about this,'" LaPoint said.