Your whole life can change in an instant
(blog 39 of my #100blogs)
I wrote the following earlier and couldn’t decide whether to keep it private or not. In the end I’ve decided to publish it as it may help someone else going through similar. It may also make people realise what is really important in their lives and change their priorities accordingly.
Last Tuesday afternoon I thought I knew where my life was heading, at least for the next few months but all that changed in an instant. I was speaking at an event in York on Tuesday evening. As this talk included a live view on a big screen of my Google Glass (and iPhone) I switched my phone into airplane mode to avoid any tweets or texts popping up during it. All went well and after my slot I switched my phone back online. I had a voicemail and a text from my wife to say my Mum had collapsed and was at Harrogate hospital in A&E. My Mum is never ill, has never had more than a cold, and had spent the day entertaining my son(4) and daughter(2). I thought she’d just skipped a meal and collapsed from fatigue or similar. I raced across to hospital to be met by my wife and Dad both looking upset. It was then my Dad said 4 words that will stay with me forever, “Rich, your Mum’s dead”. I was in complete shock and still am nearly a week later. I know that my life will never be the same again.
My parents had been visiting a friend in Harrogate hospital and as they were leaving Mum collapsed. As she was right outside A&E she couldn’t have got quicker or better attention but despite this they couldn’t revive her. It was a suspected aneurysm in her heart and was instant, this has since been confirmed. As you can imagine, I’m devastated but am handling things much better than I expected to. I think the reasons are that even in such a sad situation I am seeing some positives.
Firstly, if you’re going to collapse, then where better than in a hospital to do it; if anything could have been done to save her, it was. This helps as there are no nagging concerns of “but what if we got her to hospital quicker” etc.
Mum and I had a long standing joke for the last 20 years that when she was old (I don’t consider her to be as she was a very young mid-70 year old) if she couldn’t look after herself I should just dump her on the A1. Of course what she was really saying is that she didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I’d always promised her that no matter what I’d always be there and look after her and my Dad myself in their old age and they’d never go into a care home. At least this way Mum will be remembered as the kind, fun, smiling, dignified lady that she always was. I know she’d much prefer that than a long lingering illness or her final months confined to a hospital bed.
The last conversation I had with her was amazing. For the last few months we didn’t really get time to have any sensible conversations as my children always wanted to play with her. Last Tuesday we had exactly that and it reminded me what an amazing lady Mum was. She was full of sensible advice, had total belief in me, and provided unconditional support, kindness, and love for all of her family. As I left the house she told me how much she loved me, I told her back, and she said I had to look after myself (she knew I’d been overdoing things recently and was under a lot of pressure) to be able to look after my family. This was not a common conversation and in hindsight it really makes you think. Having that conversation has really helped me over the last week as nothing had been left unsaid.
Something else that has really helped get me through the last week is the amazing support and kindness that has been shown to me by so many friends. Of course, nobody can change what has happened but people can change the way you feel. I’ve had so many messages, cards, flowers from so many people right across the country all offering their love and support. I’m sure many of you will be reading this and you know who you are. I am truly thankful for all your friendship and hope I can be there for you too whenever you need me. True friends aren’t just there for the good times, but more importantly, for those times when you really need them.
Finally, I hope all the above will make you think about what is important in your life. That the REALLY important things should be your family and friends. Try not to focus on all the other stuff that gets in the way like business deadlines, cashflow, flash cars, and big houses. You’ve probably already got everything (or should I say everyone) around you that can make you truly happy in life. You just need to realise this before it’s too late.
