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Pixel Perfect:
Strategies for Overcoming Design
Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
12 June 1964: Robben Island
Mandela is Told He Will Die There
View of the Prison Yard
Prisoners are Shamed Daily
Guards Try To Rob Your Dignity
Within 20 Minutes, He Felt Good!
“I was relieved.
Nobody has the
power to take
away my dignity.”
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Why Perfectionism?
Brian Sullivan.
Hi, my name is
@BrianKSullivan
@bigdesign
#perfect
Research and Testing Expert
The Director of User Testing and Research at Tonic 3, a division of W3.
International Speaker
Writer of Books and Articles
Conference Organizer
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Creative with Many Talents
Industry Speaker
Conference Organizer
“Perfectionism Kills Productivity”
Re-tweeted over 5,000 times when it was mentioned at my SxSW 2013 talk.
We Talked about Design Phrases
We Talked about People We Know
We Talked about Unicorns
We Talked about Behaviors
Contrary to popular belief, Photoshop does not solve everything!
A Previous Student Sends An Email
J. Schuh has taught at Collin College for over 15 years.
He Decides to Open Up
Dear Mr. Schuh –
I need your advice. For the past 4 years, I’ve tried to be
a designer, but I keep getting fired. I find it impossible
to meet deadlines, as I agonize over every pixel.
My co-workers think I am slow. I think they are sloppy.
I can’t hold down a job. I try to be creative, but I never
finish anything. To me, my designs are never finished.
I desperately need your advice. What should I do?
We Read Eight Books
Types of Perfectionism
Exercise #1: Perfectionist Quiz
per•fec•tion•ism (pərˈfɛk ʃəˌnɪz əm) noun
1. a belief that religious, moral, social, artistic,
or political perfection is attainable.
2. a personal standard or attitude that demands
perfection and rejects anything less.
Simple Definition
Psychologist View of Perfectionism
“Perfectionism is the desire to be
faultless, a fear of imperfection,
equating errors as personal defects,
and viewing perfection as the only
route to personal acceptance.”
--T.S. Greenspon, 2008.
(Unhealthy) (Healthy)
Maladaptive Adaptive
(Unhealthy) (Healthy)
Maladaptive Adaptive
(Unhealthy) (Healthy)
Maladaptive Adaptive
Exercise #2: Persona Note-taking
Adam the Adaptive:
1. _______________________
2. _______________________
3. _______________________
4. _______________________
5. _______________________
Personal Motto:
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
• Satisfied with achievements made from intense effort.
• Tolerate imperfections without harsh self-criticism.
• Enjoy collaboration and cooperation.
• Value self-esteem and life satisfaction.
• Regulate and adjust their emotions.
• Manage their interpersonal relationships.
• Develop a social support system.
• Perform active coping when needed
• View relationships seriously.
• Watch their procrastination tendencies.
Adaptive Perfectionists
Adaptive Perfectionist Motto…
Exercise #3: Persona Note-taking
Mary the Maladaptive:
1. _______________________
2. _______________________
3. _______________________
4. _______________________
5. _______________________
Personal Motto:
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
• Unattainable personal performance standards.
• Extremely self-critical in self-evaluations.
• Approach their relationships aggressively.
• Lack self-awareness in social situations.
• View their environments as competitive.
• Feel a need to control their environment.
• Very passive-aggressive in certain situations.
• Enjoy defining policies, structures, and rules.
• Despise gray areas and prefer binary thinking.
• Notorious procrastinators.
Maladaptive Perfectionists
Maladaptive Perfectionist Motto…
Profiles in Perfectionism
Picasso = Adaptive Da Vinci = Maladaptive
13,000 Pages of Sketches
Two Masterpieces
Da Vinci Only Finished 30 Pieces
Da Vinci = Maladaptive
Picasso was Prolific
Picasso = Adaptive
• Traditional
• Blue Period
• Rose Period
• African-Influenced
• Cubism
• Neo-Classicalism
• Surrealism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
10 of Top 50 Paintings Sold at Auction
Both Types Can Do Great Work
Picasso = Adaptive Da Vinci = Maladaptive
Maladaptives Struggle More…
Maladaptives Can Shut Down
Remember the student, who shut down. Da Vinci did at the end, too.
ContrastCompare and
Adaptive Characteristics:
1. ________________________
2. ________________________
3. ________________________
4. ________________________
5. ________________________
6. ________________________
7. ________________________
8. ________________________
9. ________________________
Maladaptive Characteristics:
1. ________________________
2. ________________________
3. ________________________
4. ________________________
5. ________________________
6. ________________________
7. ________________________
8. ________________________
9. ________________________
Exercise #4: Comparison Sheet
Adaptive Maladaptive
Journey is a straight line.Journey is an irregular spiral.
Adaptive Maladaptive
Fault Finder.Benefit Finder.
Adaptive Maladaptive
Feedback is failure.Failure is feedback.
F =
Feedback
F =
Failure
Adaptive Maladaptive
Enjoy destination only.Enjoy destination & journey.
Adaptive Maladaptive
All or Nothing Thinking.Complex, Nuanced Thinking.
Adaptive Maladaptive
Defensive.Open to Suggestions.
Adaptive Maladaptive
Harsh.Forgiving.
Adaptive Maladaptive
Imperfections = Curses.Imperfections = Gifts.
Adaptive Maladaptive
Very, Very Rigid.Flexible and Adaptable.
I love it
when a plan
comes together
(especially mine).
Plan A,
Plan B,
Plan C,
Plan D
Attitude is the difference
between an Ordeal
and an Adventure.
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #1
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Embarrassment,
Humiliation,
Guilt, and
Shame
(not the same thing)
• Shame ≠ Guilt
• Shame ≠ Embarrassment
• Shame ≠ Humiliation
• Embarrassment ≠ Guilt
• Embarrassment ≠ Humiliation
• Embarrassment ≠ Shame
Some Words are Not Synonyms
• Humiliation ≠ Embarrassment
• Humiliation ≠ Guilt
• Humiliation ≠ Shame
• Guilt ≠ Embarrassment
• Guilt ≠ Shame
• Guilt ≠ Humiliation
Embarrassment
“Embarrassment is something that is fleeting,
often eventually funny and very normal.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown (Shame Researcher)
Example of Design Embarrassment
FOLD
Know the Nuance: Embarrassment
“A bad thing happened to
me. It happens to everyone.
It will be over soon.”
Humiliation
The act of mortifying a person to cause a
painful loss of pride, self-respect, or dignity.
Examples of Design Humiliation
A usability test can be humiliating for customers and the designers.
Know the Nuance: Humiliation
“I deserve to be treated badly by
these folks. I’m different. There’s
something wrong with me.”
Guilt
Guilt is a feeling that you have consciously done
something wrong, broken a law, or let someone
down. You have committed a wrongful act.
Examples of Design Guilt
You knowingly use a dark pattern to
entice a person to purchase the
wrong option.
In this example, the bundled option
looks best by using the dark pattern
called the second-best first option.
Examples of Design Guilt
Examples of Design Guilt
You wanted this simple, beautiful design. But, your client wanted this ugly design.
Know the Nuance: Guilt
“I have done something bad.
I got caught. I need to pay for
my action. I can correct it.”
Shame
Shame is an emotion in which someone sees
their “self” as defective, unacceptable, or
fundamentally damaged.
Shame is most often felt by victims of trauma—911 and Holocaust survivors.
Perfectionists Feel Shame
Critiques Feel Like Character Attacks
Know the Nuance: Shame
“I am a bad person. There is
something wrong with me.
This thing proves it.”
Know the Nuances
Shame:
“I am a bad person.”
Guilt:
“I did a bad thing.”
Embarrassment:
“A bad thing happened.”
Humiliation:
“I deserved it to happen.”
Perfectionism = Shame
“Perfectionism is a form of shame. Where we
struggle with perfectionism, we struggle with
shame.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown (Shame Researcher)
Resistance Versus Resilience
(Unhealthy) (Healthy)
Maladaptive Adaptive
Shame
Resistance
Shame
Resilience
Heart of Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
It is NOT about
RESISTANCE
It is about
RESILIENCE
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Shame-Based Barriers of Perfectionism
1. Foreboding Joy
2. Procrastination
3. Sarcasm
4. Numbing
5. Viking-or-Victim
6. Smash and Grab
7. Zigzagging
Energy is contagious,
positive and negative
alike.
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #2
Barrier of Foreboding Joy
Barrier of Foreboding Joy
Barrier of Foreboding Joy
Ellis Island (1890-1922)
20 Million
Immigrants
1 Million More than State of Florida
Lined Up for Health Inspections
Different Immigration Cards
They Came to America with a Dream
They Lived in Tenements
They Formed Communities
They Worked in Sweatshops
They Slept and Dreamed
Upstairs, Someone Dropped a Shoe
Barrier of Foreboding Joy
Foreboding joy is the fear of having your joy taken away.
Imagine
if you found
no joy
in your
Journey
Don’t Fully Enjoy a First Kiss
No Joy in Increased Sales
Don’t Enjoy Fully Milestones
Joy Can Be Terrifying
“The most terrifying emotion we experience
as humans is joy.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Pixelate Perfect Moments of Joy
They Don’t Fully Enjoy Life
Perfectionists Despise Vulnerability
They Dress Rehearse Tragedy
Customers Line Up
Product Team is Stoked!
Sales Go Through the Roof
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Something Must Be Wrong
THERE
is
no joy
in my
Journey
Exercise #5: Scenario
You have hired a new designer, who fits in with
the rest of the designers and the product team
loves their design. Your perfectionist boss is
experiencing foreboding joy with the new hire.
1. How do you handle things with your boss?
2. How do you handle things with the new hire?
The Antidote to Foreboding Joy is…
Gratitude: Enjoy the Journey
Express Gratitude at a New Launch
Express Gratitude at End of a Sprint
Gratitude is the Best Attitude
Make daily deposits of gratitude into people’s emotional bank accounts.
Positive Comment
Positive Comment
Critical Remark
Critical Remark
1-2-1 Critique: Gratitude Sandwich
Critiques = Additive, Not Competitive
In the early days, Pixar
writers experienced the
foreboding joy of story
critiques by:
• John Lasseter
• Andrew Stanton
• Brad Bird
These meetings are done
with honesty and candor.
An Original, Boring Ending
The original ending had Wall-E saving EVE from a trash compactor.
The Updated, Heartfelt Ending
Wall-E is badly damaged saving the human race. EVE repairs Wall-E.
Barrier of
Procrastination
It is a small island in Denmark. Shakespeare used as his setting for Hamlet.
Zealand Island
Prince Hamlet suspects his uncle killed his father. He delays seeking the truth.
Elsinore Castle
Act 1: Ghost of Hamlet’s father tells him to revenge his murder. Hamlet delays.
Hamlet Sees Ghost of Dead Father
Act 2, Scene 2: Hamlet has chance to kill Claudius. He delays…
Perfect Opportunity, First Delay
Act 3, Scene 1: Hamlet talks to a dead friend, Yorrick. He delays, again.
To Be or Not To Be?
Tries to Publicly Humiliate His Uncle
Act 3, Scene 3: Hamlet performs a play within the play. He delays, again.
Hamlet Still Has Bloody Thoughts
Act 4: Hamlet does not understand soldiers who fight in foreign lands. When the
soldier leaves, Hamlet says how own thoughts are bloody. Hamlet still delays.
Act 5, Scene 5: Bloodbath
“There’s Something Rotten in Denmark.”
It is called procrastination. In “Hamlet”, his delay leads to a wasted life.
Purpose of Procrastination
“The purpose of procrastination is to protect us
from the failure, success, or change we are
terrified of, and it fulfills that purpose when we
lose all hope and stop trying. It is fear-based.”
-- Hilary Rettig (2011)
Source: http://20px.com/
Source: http://20px.com/
Need to Break the Endless Cycle
You are working with a seasoned designer, who
prides herself on doing pixel perfect designs. In
the office, she is infamous for procrastinating.
1. Discuss project management solutions.
2. What advice would you give a procrastinator?
Exercise #6: Scenario
Practice Effective Time Management
Proudly Show Early Design Concepts
Timebox Your Tasks
Test Early, Test Often
Establish a Daily Routine
Home Work Other
Shop/Gym Dinner Reading/TV Sleeping
WorkBreakfastGetting Ready Drive Time
Create Routines Within the Routine
• 09:00 AM: Answer emails and phone calls
• 10:00 AM: Morning meetings
• 11:00 AM: Work on projects (one hour)
• 11:30 AM: Lunch
• 12:30 PM: Work on projects (two hours)
• 02:30 PM: Afternoon meeting (or work on projects)
• 04:15 PM: Pick up child from school
Short Drive Time (estimated 5-10 minutes):
• Make phone call (using Bluetooth)
• Listen to podcast on design or usability
• Meditate after a stressful day
• Practice a presentation (for work or conference)
• Make a mental checklist of things to do
Set Realistic Targets
Use Positive Self-Talk
65,000 thoughts/day. 65% are negative, roughly 42,000.
Imagination is the enemy of motivation.
Don’t Fantasize about Desired Results
Plan for Obstacles
List possible obstacles for completing an assignment,
including procrastination habits. Develop counter-measures.
Reward Your Progress
Set up a reward system for positive reinforcement.
Similarly, arrange small punishments for failures.
Putting It Off or Getting It Done?
“Putting it off does not make it go away.
Getting it done does.”
— Ned Hallowell, Driven to Distraction
Break Large Tasks Into Smaller Units
Small chunks helps you see progress and builds momentum.
Fate or Destiny?
“Fate is what befalls a man who fails to act.
Destiny is for men who refuse to accept failure,
as their fate.”
— Lamar Wyatt (ABC’s Nashville)
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #3
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Barrier of Sarcasm
No Man is an Island
Poem by John Donne
Theme: Being Connected to Others
Simple Definition of Sarcasm
sar•cas•m (sahr-kaz-uh m) noun
1. the use of words that mean the opposite of
what you really want to say in order to insult
someone, to show irritation, or to be funny.
2. Greek (literal definition)…to render someone’s
flesh (with a caustic remark).
Sarcasm ≠ Verbal Irony
In Seattle, a weatherman told viewers the forecast shows “sunny days ahead.”
Sarcasm ≠ Irony of Fate
An irony of fate is history’s greatest composer (Beethoven) went deaf.
Sarcasm ≠ Situational Irony
These two signs were right next to each other at a bus stop in Chicago.
Want to learn about great
deals, ask the bus driver.
Don’t talk to the bus driver.
Sarcasm ≠ Dramatic Irony
The audience knows Juliet is about to wake up, but Romeo does not.
Sarcasm = Lowest Form of Wit
“Sarcasm’s insincerity offers a level of protection.
At its most innocuous, it doesn’t hurt anyone and
distances the speaker.
When you say the opposite of what you mean, you
don’t have to own it. You’ve got someplace to hide.
You get attention, a laugh, and the upper hand —
without having to stick your neck out.”
-- Dr. Jennifer Taitz
Social Media and Sarcasm
Fact: #yeahright was used 2,500+ times in one hour.
#winning #sarcasm #snicker #yeahright #fail
Body Language Can Be Sarcastic
You can be sarcastic with your body language, too. Let’s assume this guy said,
“I will get right on that.” Do you believe any of these faces?
Secret Service: Social Media Sarcasm
In June 2014, Secret Services opened bids for software to detect sarcasm on
social media as part of the Department of Homeland Security.
Imagine our five perfectionists using sarcasm everyday on your team.
Exercise #7: Scenario
During a design critique, two co-workers decide
to make several sarcastic remarks. You do not
know if you should follow their suggestions.
Some of their comments seemed like personal
acts. You left the room angry.
1. What do you say to the sarcastic person?
2. Do you talk to your manager about it?
3. What if your manager is the sarcastic person?
Antidote is to Limit Sarcasm
Create a “Sarcasm Free Zone” at work. You want open collaboration.
Use Sarcasm Like a Strong Spice
It is best to use sarcasm with close friends, who understand the humor.
Sarcasm is like a spice.
Use it sparingly.
• Too much, the dish
is overwhelmed.
• An occasional dash,
the dish is spiced up.
• A steady serving, the
dish is ruined.
Sarcasm Can Be a Form of Bullying
Perfectionists use
sarcasm to disguise their
hostility. Psychologists
see sarcasm as a very
subtle form of bullying.
Most bullies are angry,
insecure, and frustrated
(like perfectionists).
Pixar Uses Candor, Not Honesty
Ed Catmull devotes an entire chapter to the importance of candor.
“A hallmark of a healthy
creative culture is that its
people feel free to share
ideas, opinions, and
criticisms. Lack of candor,
if unchecked, ultimately
leads to dysfunctional
environments.”
Respect is the Antidote to Sarcasm
Ways to create a culture of respect:
1. Do not gossip, especially with envious people.
2. Be intentional in your communication.
3. Appreciate diverse opinions.
4. Be a bridge builder to promote teamwork.
5. Create a culture directed at competitors.
6. Do not acknowledge sarcastic remarks.
7. Promote ownership, so people’s voices matter.
Stop Sarcasm, Start with Empathy
Designers talk of empathy maps. How about living with empathy?
Take Your Shoes Off, Then Wear Mine
Before walking in another person’s shoes, you have to take your shoes off.
Walk a mile in my shoes. See what I see. Hear what I hear. Feel what I feel.
Then, maybe, you’ll understand why I do what I do. Until then, don’t judge me.
Ask for an Explanation
If you hear a sarcastic remark, respectfully ask for clarification.
Examine Sarcasm Triggers
Some people are only sarcastic in specific situations. Examine the triggers.
Make Conversations Meaningful
Your statements should be these three things:
1. True
2. Meaningful
3. Necessary
Sarcasm never meets all three of these categories.
Do Not Combat with Humiliation
Humiliation is closely tied to shame, which is a severe issue with
perfectionists. Be respectful and ask for clarification from the person.
If someone says a sarcastic remark about you,
do not resort to humiliation. It is so tempting.
Diffuse Sarcasm By Agreeing
Sarcastic Remark: “Snails move faster than you.”
Your Response: “Yes, they do. They are fast little buggers.”
When you receive a sarcastic remark, agree with them.
Announce Your Sarcasm
Sarcastic Remark: “I just thought of something sarcastic:
‘Snails move fast than you.’ I am totally joking.”
Diffuse your own sarcasm by announcing it.
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #4
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Barrier of
Numbing
Odysseus Visited Many Lands
Of the ancient heroes, only Hercules may have traveled more than Odysseus.
Island of Calypso (Oggygia)
In Homer’s The Odyssey, Calypso keeps Odysseus prisoner for 7 years.
Caves of Calypso
When Calypso sings, Odysseus forgets about his beloved wife, Penelope.
Hermes Tells Calypso to Release Him
Odysseus is enamored with Calypso. He is numb to all other things.
Calypso Sets Him Free
Calypso fell in love with Odysseus. She eventually sets free our numb hero.
Crazy-Busy or Numbing?
“We are culture of people who’ve bought into
the idea that if stay busy enough, the truth
of our lives won’t catch up to us. One of the
most universal numbing strategies is what
I call crazy-busy.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
We Numb Ourselves in Debt
U.S. household consumer debt profile:
• Average credit card debt: $15,611
• Average mortgage debt: $155,192
• Average student loan debt: $32,264
We Numb Ourselves with Food
• 66% of adults are overweight or obese
• 35% of children struggle with obesity
• By 2030, 51% of the US population may be obese
• 20 years ago, no state had an obesity rate above 15%
• Today 41 states have obesity rates over 25%
• Since 1980, the obesity rate in teens has tripled.
• 72% of older men and 67% of older women are now
overweight or obese
We Drink to Numb Ourselves
In 2014, American recycled
enough aluminum cans to
rebuild the entire fleet of
US commercial aircrafts…
twice.
And, this only accounts for
what consumers recycled.
Source: American Beverage Association
Perfectionists Numb in Other Ways
Why Numbing Actually Hurts You?
“When you numb yourself, you try to not feel
vulnerability. It is especially debilitating
because it does not just deaden the pain of
our difficult experiences; it deadens all of
them—love, joy, creativity, and belonging.
We cannot selectively numb an emotion.
When you numb the dark, you numb the light.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Numbing ≠ Addiction
It is NOT about
RESISTANCE
It is about
RESILIENCE
Your manager uses different numbing methods
during times of peak stress, such as before a
major release or executive presentation. They
drink, swear, work long hours, and smoke. They
seem to promote people with same behaviors.
1. How would you handle this situation?
2. What coping strategies do you use for stress?
Exercise #8: Scenario
Antidote = Setting Boundaries
Each person is different. Identify numbing behaviors and set boundaries.
Use Positive Coping Strategies
Walking, going outdoors, or cooking a meal can be very positive ways to cope.
Plan for Breaks
Crazy-busy? It is a choice. Plan for breaks and vacations.
Manage Anxiety, Don’t Numb It
Ask for Help ≠ Weakness
Crazy-busy? Ask for help or delegate.
A lack of boundaries
invites
a lack of respect.
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #4
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Victim or
Viking Mentality
In DC comics, Paradise Island (Themyscira) is the home of the Amazon race.
Paradise Island
Home of Wonder Woman
In this comic, Wonder Woman is a warrior, hero, strategist, and spy.
Amazons Resemble Vikings
According to myth, Hercules and Theseus would have encounters with the
Amazons. With each encounter, the Amazons would march to war.
Perfectionists: Victim or Viking?
“Either you are a Victim in life –a sucker or a
loser who’s always being taken advantage of or
can’t hold their own –or you’re a Viking –
someone who sees the threat of being
victimized as a constant, so you stay in control,
you dominate, you exert your power over
things, and you never show vulnerability.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Victim or a Viking?
Perfectionists do not like to show vulnerability, so they may adapt a persona.
Viking Characteristics
• Exerts power of perceived threats.
• Stays in control.
• Tries to dominate.
• Never shows vulnerability.
• Ruthlessly attacks enemies.
• Uses any weapon available:
- Gossip
- Schedule
- Email
- Deadlines
- Meetings
- Departmental Policies
- Assignments
Victim Characteristics
• Constantly loses at home and work.
• Taken advantage of by people.
• Always loses, never wins.
• Whines about everything.
• Uses any tactic available:
- Excuses
- Rationalization
- Justification
• - Blame
- Lying
- Finger pointing
- No instructions
Using Vulnerability ≠ Being Vulnerable
Viking = Invulnerable Victim = Helpless
Victim or Viking: Scary Thinking
“When we lead, teach, or preach from a gospel of
Viking or Victim, win or lose, we crush faith,
innovation, creativity, and adaptability to change.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
A project manager does anything to get his way.
People are either threatening or non-threatening
to him. When he feels threatened, the project
manager plays very dirty office politics including
getting people written up and fired.
1. How do you handle this person?
2. Do ignore the behavior altogether?
Exercise #9: Viking Scenario
A co-worker continually whines about how things
are unfair with work assignments. He constantly
gets other people to his work. They “work” from
home, but nobody believes him. This person says
that he feels helpless.
1. How do you handle this person?
2. Do ignore the behavior altogether?
Exercise #10: Victim Scenario
Antidote = Relationship Building
Cultivate trust and commitment to counter Viking-Victim mentality.
Build an Emotional Bank Account
An emotional bank account
is a metaphor for improving
and maintaining scorecards
with your relationships.
The account begins with a
neutral balance. You make
deposits and withdrawals
based on your interactions
with people.
Sometimes, It is Full
Sometimes, It is Injured
Sometimes, It is on Empty
Sadly, It Can Be Broken
Broken Banks Can Be Repaired
Mostly, It Grows and Shrinks
And, You Manage Multiple Banks
20,000
Daily Interactions
The Golden Ratio is 5:1
Healthy relationships strive for 5 positive interactions to each 1 negative one.
Deposit = Listening with Empathy
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand.
They listen with the intent to reply. -- Stephen Covey
Deposit = Keeping Commitments
Showing up to work on time, meeting your deadlines, attending meetings,
doing what you say, and fulfilling obligations are regular deposits you make.
Deposit = Fighting with Respect
Every working relationship will have arguments and disagreements.
When you do, always keep your communication respectful.
Deposit = Remember Little Things
All the little things count and they are the building blocks of our daily lives.
Remembering a birthday, getting coffee, or a smile adds up.
Apologize for Withdrawals
When you make a mistake, apologize immediately. It’s a learning experience.
Keep your account in the positive, which you have worked hard to create.
Antidote for Ideas: Story Building
At Pixar, Ed Catmull explains
that originality is very fragile:
“In its first form, the films are
far from pretty. We call them
‘ugly babies.’ They need
nurturing—in the form of
time and patience—in order
to grow.”
Pixar usually gives 2-3 years to
turn an “ugly baby” into a film.
The Beast and The Baby
With ideas, you can develop a
Viking-or-Victim mentality, too.
After the success of Toy Story 2,
the Pixar team was exhausted.
It took nearly five years to
create Monsters, Inc.
Pixar wanted to feed the beast,
produce another sequel. Yet,
the creatives wanted to protect
the ugly babies.
Balancing The Beast and Ugly Babies
For Pixar, their Brain Trust (John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton,
Brad Bird) balances the Hungry Beast and the Ugly Babies.
Design Studios: UX Ugly Baby Solution
For UX Designers, the Design Studio method provides
us with a great mechanism to protect ugly babies..
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #4
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Barrier of Smash
and Grab
Easter Island
Known for Its Rock Statues
Two Mysteries Solved
For many years, historians
tried to determine two
things about Easter Island:
1. How were the statues
created there?
2. Where did all of the
people go?
Both mysteries got solved
a few years ago.
Statues Were Pushed Up
Local inhabitants used stones, wood, and brute force to push the statues up.
Massive Deforestation Led to Collapse
The tribe on Easter Island was over 10,000 people during its height. When
Captain Cook landed, it was reduced to about 100 people. It was avoidable.
Smash and Grab = Manipulation Tool
“The smash and grab occurs when someone smashes
through people’s social boundaries with intimate
information, then grab whatever attention and energy
you can get your hands on…in our social media world,
it’s increasingly difficult to determine what’s a real
attempt to connect and what’s performance.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
Helicopter Story of Brian Williams
Brian Williams was suspended from NBC for six months for smashing-and-grabbing
headlines about riding with Seal Team Six when their helicopter was under fire.
Gossiping is Smash-and-Grab
Gossiping is a smash-and-grab. Someone gossips to draw negative attention towards
one of their rivals. Conversely, they start a rumor to draw attention to their self.
Seven Types of Social Sharing
90% of social sharing is about sharing relevant information with your connections.
10% of social sharing is a form of smash-and-grab (showing off, getting a reaction).
Smash and Grab = Manipulation Tool
“With smash and grab, perfectionists use vulnerability
to connect with people. It is a way to fast-forward
intimacy.”
-- Dr. Brene Brown
You have worked for two years designing a new
product. A marketing person is assigned one
week before the release. Several people share
details about the last two years. She uses this
information to take credit for the past two years.
1. How do you handle this situation?
2. What other smash-and-grabs have you seen?
Exercise #11: Scenario
Antidote = Understand the Intention
Protect yourself and others. Understand the reason(s) you might be hearing this
information. Is it a smash and grab? Is there a legitimate business reason?
Tell Your Story to People Who Earn It
You do not want to share information with people,
who have not earned it. They will misunderstand you.
Don’t Share Fresh Wounds Publicly
Allow for cooling off periods before sharing information with people.
An unhealthy perfectionist will use it against you.
A Simple Checklist
 What need is driving
this behavior?
 What outcome do I
want?
 Does it align with my
values?
 Is this sharing in the
service of connection?
 Am I genuinely asking
people for what I need?
Since design is very collaborative, it is easy to mistake need for intimacy.
For some reasons, artists and designers crave intimacy and attention.
If the words don’t add up,
it’s usually because the
truth wasn’t included
in the equation.
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #5
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Barrier of
Zigzagging
Ship-Trap Island
Setting for the short story called “The Most Dangerous Game”
Rainsford Battles General Zaroff
Our hero runs for his life, zigzagging over Ship-Trap Island.
Dodges Traps Before Final Showdown
Rainsford narrowly escapes 10 different traps before finally killing Zaroff.
Zigzagging = Avoiding
In some cases, perfectionists want to avoid conflict.
So, they delay a potential confrontation for a long time.
Zigzagging = Disengaging
In some cases, perfectionists want to disengage from work and people.
They duck, dodge, and de-prioritize tasks. They major in the minors!
Zigzagging ≠ Procrastination
Unlike procrastination, zigzagging is actually doing work-related activities.
Procrastination is finding other things to do (laundry, watch a movie, sleep).
Similar to Maslow’s Jonah Complex
Maslow states, "So often we run away from the responsibilities dictated by nature,
by fate, or by accident, just as Jonah tried—in vain—to run away from his fate."
Postpone a Hard Meeting
Perfectionist
Meeting Has
Been Postponed
to Next Week
Clean Your Desk, Again and Again
You are zigzagging when you clean your desk rather than finishing a project.
Waiting for the Perfect Moment
You go through multiple scenarios and seem to freeze up.
“We fear our highest (and lowest) possibilities. We are
generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse
in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect
conditions, under conditions of great courage.
We enjoy and thrill to the godlike possibilities we see
in ourselves in such peak moments. Yet, we
simultaneously shiver with weakness, awe, and fear
before these very same possibilities.”
-- Abraham Maslow
You know you should have a difficult discussion
with another designer. You notice you have been
avoiding this confrontation. You find other work
to do, but you know the problem will only get
worse. You zigzag constantly.
1. How do you stop zigzagging?
2. How do you handle difficult conversations?
Exercise #12: Scenario
Knowledge
is in
the End
Based on
Acknowledgement
Antidote = Name Your Fear
• Fear of the Unknown
• Fear of Change
• Fear of Sudden Pain
• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Losing Control
• Fear of the Spotlight
• Fear of New Ideas
• Fear of the Future
• Fear of Your Identity
• Fear of Standing Out
• Fear of Being Ridiculed
• Fear of Responsibility
• Fear of Massive Success
• Fear of Being Exposed
• Fear of New People
• Fear of New Technology
“To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” -Elbert Hubbard
Next Step is to Take Action
In the US Army, Captains tell their soldiers to shoot, move, and communicate.
The Most Dangerous Game
Rainsford continually acknowledged his situation, moved, and communicated.
Fear Has Two Meanings
• Negative = Forget Everything And Run
• Positive = Face Everything And Rise
It is really a choice!!!
There are only
two options:
make progress or
make excuses.
PIXEL PERFECT
PICTURE #6
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
The Pit and
the Pendulum
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Safe
Zone
Safe
Zone
Safe
Zone
Safe
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Risk
Zone
Risk
Zone
Innovation
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Risk
Zone
Innovation
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Innovation
Zone
Risk
Zone
Creativity
ZoneSafe
Zone
Safe
Zone
Creativity
Zone
Innovation
Zone
Risk
Zone
Creativity
ZoneSafe
Zone
Safe
Zone
Dead
Zone
Exercise #13: GOSPA Worksheet
Example: GOSPA Worksheet
Reduce my own procrastination
Improve my time management
1. Project time management
2. Manage my deliverables
1. Time management training
2. Training on specific tools
1. Attend time manager webinar
2. Put dates on team calendar
It’s better to cross the line
and suffer the consequences
than to just stare at that line
for the rest of your life.
Final Thoughts
11 February 1990: Robben Island
Nelson Mandela is Released
24 June 1995: Rugby World Cup
Mandela Takes Team to Robben Island
Mandela Talks about Invictus
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
Mandela Shares Another Story
Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism
He Removes Foreboding Joy
They are playing on their home field. Mandela says the nation is grateful.
He Removes Procrastination
He tells them to play with a sense of purpose and urgency.
He Removes Sarcastic Remarks
The retreat to Robben Island provided focus.
Their Training = No Numbing
Mandela talk about how they are prepared. They can do it.
He Removes Viking-Victim Thinking
Mandela tells them that they are men with wives and children, too.
He Removes Smash and Grab
Mandela took them away to Robben Island to focus and avoid the press.
Seize the Moment, Don’t Zigzag
They were playing New Zealand in a few hours. Face the competition.
It was NOT about
RESISTANCE
It was about
RESILIENCE
South Africa Wins Championship
Pixel Perfect:
Strategies for Overcoming Design
Perfectionism

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Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Perfectionism

  • 1. Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Design Perfectionism
  • 3. 12 June 1964: Robben Island
  • 4. Mandela is Told He Will Die There
  • 5. View of the Prison Yard
  • 7. Guards Try To Rob Your Dignity
  • 8. Within 20 Minutes, He Felt Good! “I was relieved. Nobody has the power to take away my dignity.”
  • 11. Brian Sullivan. Hi, my name is @BrianKSullivan @bigdesign #perfect
  • 12. Research and Testing Expert The Director of User Testing and Research at Tonic 3, a division of W3.
  • 14. Writer of Books and Articles
  • 20. “Perfectionism Kills Productivity” Re-tweeted over 5,000 times when it was mentioned at my SxSW 2013 talk.
  • 21. We Talked about Design Phrases
  • 22. We Talked about People We Know
  • 23. We Talked about Unicorns
  • 24. We Talked about Behaviors Contrary to popular belief, Photoshop does not solve everything!
  • 25. A Previous Student Sends An Email J. Schuh has taught at Collin College for over 15 years.
  • 26. He Decides to Open Up Dear Mr. Schuh – I need your advice. For the past 4 years, I’ve tried to be a designer, but I keep getting fired. I find it impossible to meet deadlines, as I agonize over every pixel. My co-workers think I am slow. I think they are sloppy. I can’t hold down a job. I try to be creative, but I never finish anything. To me, my designs are never finished. I desperately need your advice. What should I do?
  • 27. We Read Eight Books
  • 30. per•fec•tion•ism (pərˈfɛk ʃəˌnɪz əm) noun 1. a belief that religious, moral, social, artistic, or political perfection is attainable. 2. a personal standard or attitude that demands perfection and rejects anything less. Simple Definition
  • 31. Psychologist View of Perfectionism “Perfectionism is the desire to be faultless, a fear of imperfection, equating errors as personal defects, and viewing perfection as the only route to personal acceptance.” --T.S. Greenspon, 2008.
  • 35. Exercise #2: Persona Note-taking Adam the Adaptive: 1. _______________________ 2. _______________________ 3. _______________________ 4. _______________________ 5. _______________________ Personal Motto: __________________________ __________________________ __________________________
  • 36. • Satisfied with achievements made from intense effort. • Tolerate imperfections without harsh self-criticism. • Enjoy collaboration and cooperation. • Value self-esteem and life satisfaction. • Regulate and adjust their emotions. • Manage their interpersonal relationships. • Develop a social support system. • Perform active coping when needed • View relationships seriously. • Watch their procrastination tendencies. Adaptive Perfectionists
  • 38. Exercise #3: Persona Note-taking Mary the Maladaptive: 1. _______________________ 2. _______________________ 3. _______________________ 4. _______________________ 5. _______________________ Personal Motto: __________________________ __________________________ __________________________
  • 39. • Unattainable personal performance standards. • Extremely self-critical in self-evaluations. • Approach their relationships aggressively. • Lack self-awareness in social situations. • View their environments as competitive. • Feel a need to control their environment. • Very passive-aggressive in certain situations. • Enjoy defining policies, structures, and rules. • Despise gray areas and prefer binary thinking. • Notorious procrastinators. Maladaptive Perfectionists
  • 41. Profiles in Perfectionism Picasso = Adaptive Da Vinci = Maladaptive
  • 42. 13,000 Pages of Sketches
  • 44. Da Vinci Only Finished 30 Pieces Da Vinci = Maladaptive
  • 45. Picasso was Prolific Picasso = Adaptive • Traditional • Blue Period • Rose Period • African-Influenced • Cubism • Neo-Classicalism • Surrealism
  • 47. 10 of Top 50 Paintings Sold at Auction
  • 48. Both Types Can Do Great Work Picasso = Adaptive Da Vinci = Maladaptive
  • 50. Maladaptives Can Shut Down Remember the student, who shut down. Da Vinci did at the end, too.
  • 52. Adaptive Characteristics: 1. ________________________ 2. ________________________ 3. ________________________ 4. ________________________ 5. ________________________ 6. ________________________ 7. ________________________ 8. ________________________ 9. ________________________ Maladaptive Characteristics: 1. ________________________ 2. ________________________ 3. ________________________ 4. ________________________ 5. ________________________ 6. ________________________ 7. ________________________ 8. ________________________ 9. ________________________ Exercise #4: Comparison Sheet
  • 53. Adaptive Maladaptive Journey is a straight line.Journey is an irregular spiral.
  • 55. Adaptive Maladaptive Feedback is failure.Failure is feedback. F = Feedback F = Failure
  • 56. Adaptive Maladaptive Enjoy destination only.Enjoy destination & journey.
  • 57. Adaptive Maladaptive All or Nothing Thinking.Complex, Nuanced Thinking.
  • 60. Adaptive Maladaptive Imperfections = Curses.Imperfections = Gifts.
  • 61. Adaptive Maladaptive Very, Very Rigid.Flexible and Adaptable. I love it when a plan comes together (especially mine). Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D
  • 62. Attitude is the difference between an Ordeal and an Adventure.
  • 68. • Shame ≠ Guilt • Shame ≠ Embarrassment • Shame ≠ Humiliation • Embarrassment ≠ Guilt • Embarrassment ≠ Humiliation • Embarrassment ≠ Shame Some Words are Not Synonyms • Humiliation ≠ Embarrassment • Humiliation ≠ Guilt • Humiliation ≠ Shame • Guilt ≠ Embarrassment • Guilt ≠ Shame • Guilt ≠ Humiliation
  • 69. Embarrassment “Embarrassment is something that is fleeting, often eventually funny and very normal.” -- Dr. Brene Brown (Shame Researcher)
  • 70. Example of Design Embarrassment FOLD
  • 71. Know the Nuance: Embarrassment “A bad thing happened to me. It happens to everyone. It will be over soon.”
  • 72. Humiliation The act of mortifying a person to cause a painful loss of pride, self-respect, or dignity.
  • 73. Examples of Design Humiliation A usability test can be humiliating for customers and the designers.
  • 74. Know the Nuance: Humiliation “I deserve to be treated badly by these folks. I’m different. There’s something wrong with me.”
  • 75. Guilt Guilt is a feeling that you have consciously done something wrong, broken a law, or let someone down. You have committed a wrongful act.
  • 76. Examples of Design Guilt You knowingly use a dark pattern to entice a person to purchase the wrong option. In this example, the bundled option looks best by using the dark pattern called the second-best first option.
  • 78. Examples of Design Guilt You wanted this simple, beautiful design. But, your client wanted this ugly design.
  • 79. Know the Nuance: Guilt “I have done something bad. I got caught. I need to pay for my action. I can correct it.”
  • 80. Shame Shame is an emotion in which someone sees their “self” as defective, unacceptable, or fundamentally damaged. Shame is most often felt by victims of trauma—911 and Holocaust survivors.
  • 82. Critiques Feel Like Character Attacks
  • 83. Know the Nuance: Shame “I am a bad person. There is something wrong with me. This thing proves it.”
  • 84. Know the Nuances Shame: “I am a bad person.” Guilt: “I did a bad thing.” Embarrassment: “A bad thing happened.” Humiliation: “I deserved it to happen.”
  • 85. Perfectionism = Shame “Perfectionism is a form of shame. Where we struggle with perfectionism, we struggle with shame.” -- Dr. Brene Brown (Shame Researcher)
  • 86. Resistance Versus Resilience (Unhealthy) (Healthy) Maladaptive Adaptive Shame Resistance Shame Resilience
  • 99. It is NOT about RESISTANCE It is about RESILIENCE
  • 103. Shame-Based Barriers of Perfectionism 1. Foreboding Joy 2. Procrastination 3. Sarcasm 4. Numbing 5. Viking-or-Victim 6. Smash and Grab 7. Zigzagging
  • 104. Energy is contagious, positive and negative alike.
  • 111. 1 Million More than State of Florida
  • 112. Lined Up for Health Inspections
  • 114. They Came to America with a Dream
  • 115. They Lived in Tenements
  • 117. They Worked in Sweatshops
  • 118. They Slept and Dreamed
  • 120. Barrier of Foreboding Joy Foreboding joy is the fear of having your joy taken away.
  • 121. Imagine if you found no joy in your Journey
  • 122. Don’t Fully Enjoy a First Kiss
  • 123. No Joy in Increased Sales
  • 124. Don’t Enjoy Fully Milestones
  • 125. Joy Can Be Terrifying “The most terrifying emotion we experience as humans is joy.” -- Dr. Brene Brown
  • 127. They Don’t Fully Enjoy Life
  • 131. Product Team is Stoked!
  • 132. Sales Go Through the Roof
  • 136. Exercise #5: Scenario You have hired a new designer, who fits in with the rest of the designers and the product team loves their design. Your perfectionist boss is experiencing foreboding joy with the new hire. 1. How do you handle things with your boss? 2. How do you handle things with the new hire?
  • 137. The Antidote to Foreboding Joy is…
  • 139. Express Gratitude at a New Launch
  • 140. Express Gratitude at End of a Sprint
  • 141. Gratitude is the Best Attitude Make daily deposits of gratitude into people’s emotional bank accounts.
  • 142. Positive Comment Positive Comment Critical Remark Critical Remark 1-2-1 Critique: Gratitude Sandwich
  • 143. Critiques = Additive, Not Competitive In the early days, Pixar writers experienced the foreboding joy of story critiques by: • John Lasseter • Andrew Stanton • Brad Bird These meetings are done with honesty and candor.
  • 144. An Original, Boring Ending The original ending had Wall-E saving EVE from a trash compactor.
  • 145. The Updated, Heartfelt Ending Wall-E is badly damaged saving the human race. EVE repairs Wall-E.
  • 147. It is a small island in Denmark. Shakespeare used as his setting for Hamlet. Zealand Island
  • 148. Prince Hamlet suspects his uncle killed his father. He delays seeking the truth. Elsinore Castle
  • 149. Act 1: Ghost of Hamlet’s father tells him to revenge his murder. Hamlet delays. Hamlet Sees Ghost of Dead Father
  • 150. Act 2, Scene 2: Hamlet has chance to kill Claudius. He delays… Perfect Opportunity, First Delay
  • 151. Act 3, Scene 1: Hamlet talks to a dead friend, Yorrick. He delays, again. To Be or Not To Be?
  • 152. Tries to Publicly Humiliate His Uncle Act 3, Scene 3: Hamlet performs a play within the play. He delays, again.
  • 153. Hamlet Still Has Bloody Thoughts Act 4: Hamlet does not understand soldiers who fight in foreign lands. When the soldier leaves, Hamlet says how own thoughts are bloody. Hamlet still delays.
  • 154. Act 5, Scene 5: Bloodbath
  • 155. “There’s Something Rotten in Denmark.” It is called procrastination. In “Hamlet”, his delay leads to a wasted life.
  • 156. Purpose of Procrastination “The purpose of procrastination is to protect us from the failure, success, or change we are terrified of, and it fulfills that purpose when we lose all hope and stop trying. It is fear-based.” -- Hilary Rettig (2011)
  • 159. Need to Break the Endless Cycle
  • 160. You are working with a seasoned designer, who prides herself on doing pixel perfect designs. In the office, she is infamous for procrastinating. 1. Discuss project management solutions. 2. What advice would you give a procrastinator? Exercise #6: Scenario
  • 161. Practice Effective Time Management
  • 162. Proudly Show Early Design Concepts
  • 165. Establish a Daily Routine Home Work Other Shop/Gym Dinner Reading/TV Sleeping WorkBreakfastGetting Ready Drive Time
  • 166. Create Routines Within the Routine • 09:00 AM: Answer emails and phone calls • 10:00 AM: Morning meetings • 11:00 AM: Work on projects (one hour) • 11:30 AM: Lunch • 12:30 PM: Work on projects (two hours) • 02:30 PM: Afternoon meeting (or work on projects) • 04:15 PM: Pick up child from school Short Drive Time (estimated 5-10 minutes): • Make phone call (using Bluetooth) • Listen to podcast on design or usability • Meditate after a stressful day • Practice a presentation (for work or conference) • Make a mental checklist of things to do
  • 168. Use Positive Self-Talk 65,000 thoughts/day. 65% are negative, roughly 42,000.
  • 169. Imagination is the enemy of motivation. Don’t Fantasize about Desired Results
  • 170. Plan for Obstacles List possible obstacles for completing an assignment, including procrastination habits. Develop counter-measures.
  • 171. Reward Your Progress Set up a reward system for positive reinforcement. Similarly, arrange small punishments for failures.
  • 172. Putting It Off or Getting It Done? “Putting it off does not make it go away. Getting it done does.” — Ned Hallowell, Driven to Distraction
  • 173. Break Large Tasks Into Smaller Units Small chunks helps you see progress and builds momentum.
  • 174. Fate or Destiny? “Fate is what befalls a man who fails to act. Destiny is for men who refuse to accept failure, as their fate.” — Lamar Wyatt (ABC’s Nashville)
  • 180. No Man is an Island
  • 181. Poem by John Donne
  • 183. Simple Definition of Sarcasm sar•cas•m (sahr-kaz-uh m) noun 1. the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny. 2. Greek (literal definition)…to render someone’s flesh (with a caustic remark).
  • 184. Sarcasm ≠ Verbal Irony In Seattle, a weatherman told viewers the forecast shows “sunny days ahead.”
  • 185. Sarcasm ≠ Irony of Fate An irony of fate is history’s greatest composer (Beethoven) went deaf.
  • 186. Sarcasm ≠ Situational Irony These two signs were right next to each other at a bus stop in Chicago. Want to learn about great deals, ask the bus driver. Don’t talk to the bus driver.
  • 187. Sarcasm ≠ Dramatic Irony The audience knows Juliet is about to wake up, but Romeo does not.
  • 188. Sarcasm = Lowest Form of Wit “Sarcasm’s insincerity offers a level of protection. At its most innocuous, it doesn’t hurt anyone and distances the speaker. When you say the opposite of what you mean, you don’t have to own it. You’ve got someplace to hide. You get attention, a laugh, and the upper hand — without having to stick your neck out.” -- Dr. Jennifer Taitz
  • 189. Social Media and Sarcasm Fact: #yeahright was used 2,500+ times in one hour. #winning #sarcasm #snicker #yeahright #fail
  • 190. Body Language Can Be Sarcastic You can be sarcastic with your body language, too. Let’s assume this guy said, “I will get right on that.” Do you believe any of these faces?
  • 191. Secret Service: Social Media Sarcasm In June 2014, Secret Services opened bids for software to detect sarcasm on social media as part of the Department of Homeland Security.
  • 192. Imagine our five perfectionists using sarcasm everyday on your team. Exercise #7: Scenario During a design critique, two co-workers decide to make several sarcastic remarks. You do not know if you should follow their suggestions. Some of their comments seemed like personal acts. You left the room angry. 1. What do you say to the sarcastic person? 2. Do you talk to your manager about it? 3. What if your manager is the sarcastic person?
  • 193. Antidote is to Limit Sarcasm Create a “Sarcasm Free Zone” at work. You want open collaboration.
  • 194. Use Sarcasm Like a Strong Spice It is best to use sarcasm with close friends, who understand the humor. Sarcasm is like a spice. Use it sparingly. • Too much, the dish is overwhelmed. • An occasional dash, the dish is spiced up. • A steady serving, the dish is ruined.
  • 195. Sarcasm Can Be a Form of Bullying Perfectionists use sarcasm to disguise their hostility. Psychologists see sarcasm as a very subtle form of bullying. Most bullies are angry, insecure, and frustrated (like perfectionists).
  • 196. Pixar Uses Candor, Not Honesty Ed Catmull devotes an entire chapter to the importance of candor. “A hallmark of a healthy creative culture is that its people feel free to share ideas, opinions, and criticisms. Lack of candor, if unchecked, ultimately leads to dysfunctional environments.”
  • 197. Respect is the Antidote to Sarcasm Ways to create a culture of respect: 1. Do not gossip, especially with envious people. 2. Be intentional in your communication. 3. Appreciate diverse opinions. 4. Be a bridge builder to promote teamwork. 5. Create a culture directed at competitors. 6. Do not acknowledge sarcastic remarks. 7. Promote ownership, so people’s voices matter.
  • 198. Stop Sarcasm, Start with Empathy Designers talk of empathy maps. How about living with empathy?
  • 199. Take Your Shoes Off, Then Wear Mine Before walking in another person’s shoes, you have to take your shoes off. Walk a mile in my shoes. See what I see. Hear what I hear. Feel what I feel. Then, maybe, you’ll understand why I do what I do. Until then, don’t judge me.
  • 200. Ask for an Explanation If you hear a sarcastic remark, respectfully ask for clarification.
  • 201. Examine Sarcasm Triggers Some people are only sarcastic in specific situations. Examine the triggers.
  • 202. Make Conversations Meaningful Your statements should be these three things: 1. True 2. Meaningful 3. Necessary Sarcasm never meets all three of these categories.
  • 203. Do Not Combat with Humiliation Humiliation is closely tied to shame, which is a severe issue with perfectionists. Be respectful and ask for clarification from the person. If someone says a sarcastic remark about you, do not resort to humiliation. It is so tempting.
  • 204. Diffuse Sarcasm By Agreeing Sarcastic Remark: “Snails move faster than you.” Your Response: “Yes, they do. They are fast little buggers.” When you receive a sarcastic remark, agree with them.
  • 205. Announce Your Sarcasm Sarcastic Remark: “I just thought of something sarcastic: ‘Snails move fast than you.’ I am totally joking.” Diffuse your own sarcasm by announcing it.
  • 211. Odysseus Visited Many Lands Of the ancient heroes, only Hercules may have traveled more than Odysseus.
  • 212. Island of Calypso (Oggygia) In Homer’s The Odyssey, Calypso keeps Odysseus prisoner for 7 years.
  • 213. Caves of Calypso When Calypso sings, Odysseus forgets about his beloved wife, Penelope.
  • 214. Hermes Tells Calypso to Release Him Odysseus is enamored with Calypso. He is numb to all other things.
  • 215. Calypso Sets Him Free Calypso fell in love with Odysseus. She eventually sets free our numb hero.
  • 216. Crazy-Busy or Numbing? “We are culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up to us. One of the most universal numbing strategies is what I call crazy-busy.” -- Dr. Brene Brown
  • 217. We Numb Ourselves in Debt U.S. household consumer debt profile: • Average credit card debt: $15,611 • Average mortgage debt: $155,192 • Average student loan debt: $32,264
  • 218. We Numb Ourselves with Food • 66% of adults are overweight or obese • 35% of children struggle with obesity • By 2030, 51% of the US population may be obese • 20 years ago, no state had an obesity rate above 15% • Today 41 states have obesity rates over 25% • Since 1980, the obesity rate in teens has tripled. • 72% of older men and 67% of older women are now overweight or obese
  • 219. We Drink to Numb Ourselves In 2014, American recycled enough aluminum cans to rebuild the entire fleet of US commercial aircrafts… twice. And, this only accounts for what consumers recycled. Source: American Beverage Association
  • 220. Perfectionists Numb in Other Ways
  • 221. Why Numbing Actually Hurts You? “When you numb yourself, you try to not feel vulnerability. It is especially debilitating because it does not just deaden the pain of our difficult experiences; it deadens all of them—love, joy, creativity, and belonging. We cannot selectively numb an emotion. When you numb the dark, you numb the light.” -- Dr. Brene Brown
  • 223. It is NOT about RESISTANCE It is about RESILIENCE
  • 224. Your manager uses different numbing methods during times of peak stress, such as before a major release or executive presentation. They drink, swear, work long hours, and smoke. They seem to promote people with same behaviors. 1. How would you handle this situation? 2. What coping strategies do you use for stress? Exercise #8: Scenario
  • 225. Antidote = Setting Boundaries Each person is different. Identify numbing behaviors and set boundaries.
  • 226. Use Positive Coping Strategies Walking, going outdoors, or cooking a meal can be very positive ways to cope.
  • 227. Plan for Breaks Crazy-busy? It is a choice. Plan for breaks and vacations.
  • 229. Ask for Help ≠ Weakness Crazy-busy? Ask for help or delegate.
  • 230. A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
  • 236. In DC comics, Paradise Island (Themyscira) is the home of the Amazon race. Paradise Island
  • 237. Home of Wonder Woman In this comic, Wonder Woman is a warrior, hero, strategist, and spy.
  • 238. Amazons Resemble Vikings According to myth, Hercules and Theseus would have encounters with the Amazons. With each encounter, the Amazons would march to war.
  • 239. Perfectionists: Victim or Viking? “Either you are a Victim in life –a sucker or a loser who’s always being taken advantage of or can’t hold their own –or you’re a Viking – someone who sees the threat of being victimized as a constant, so you stay in control, you dominate, you exert your power over things, and you never show vulnerability.” -- Dr. Brene Brown
  • 240. Victim or a Viking? Perfectionists do not like to show vulnerability, so they may adapt a persona.
  • 241. Viking Characteristics • Exerts power of perceived threats. • Stays in control. • Tries to dominate. • Never shows vulnerability. • Ruthlessly attacks enemies. • Uses any weapon available: - Gossip - Schedule - Email - Deadlines - Meetings - Departmental Policies - Assignments
  • 242. Victim Characteristics • Constantly loses at home and work. • Taken advantage of by people. • Always loses, never wins. • Whines about everything. • Uses any tactic available: - Excuses - Rationalization - Justification • - Blame - Lying - Finger pointing - No instructions
  • 243. Using Vulnerability ≠ Being Vulnerable Viking = Invulnerable Victim = Helpless
  • 244. Victim or Viking: Scary Thinking “When we lead, teach, or preach from a gospel of Viking or Victim, win or lose, we crush faith, innovation, creativity, and adaptability to change.” -- Dr. Brene Brown
  • 245. A project manager does anything to get his way. People are either threatening or non-threatening to him. When he feels threatened, the project manager plays very dirty office politics including getting people written up and fired. 1. How do you handle this person? 2. Do ignore the behavior altogether? Exercise #9: Viking Scenario
  • 246. A co-worker continually whines about how things are unfair with work assignments. He constantly gets other people to his work. They “work” from home, but nobody believes him. This person says that he feels helpless. 1. How do you handle this person? 2. Do ignore the behavior altogether? Exercise #10: Victim Scenario
  • 247. Antidote = Relationship Building Cultivate trust and commitment to counter Viking-Victim mentality.
  • 248. Build an Emotional Bank Account An emotional bank account is a metaphor for improving and maintaining scorecards with your relationships. The account begins with a neutral balance. You make deposits and withdrawals based on your interactions with people.
  • 250. Sometimes, It is Injured
  • 251. Sometimes, It is on Empty
  • 252. Sadly, It Can Be Broken
  • 253. Broken Banks Can Be Repaired
  • 254. Mostly, It Grows and Shrinks
  • 255. And, You Manage Multiple Banks
  • 257. The Golden Ratio is 5:1 Healthy relationships strive for 5 positive interactions to each 1 negative one.
  • 258. Deposit = Listening with Empathy Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. -- Stephen Covey
  • 259. Deposit = Keeping Commitments Showing up to work on time, meeting your deadlines, attending meetings, doing what you say, and fulfilling obligations are regular deposits you make.
  • 260. Deposit = Fighting with Respect Every working relationship will have arguments and disagreements. When you do, always keep your communication respectful.
  • 261. Deposit = Remember Little Things All the little things count and they are the building blocks of our daily lives. Remembering a birthday, getting coffee, or a smile adds up.
  • 262. Apologize for Withdrawals When you make a mistake, apologize immediately. It’s a learning experience. Keep your account in the positive, which you have worked hard to create.
  • 263. Antidote for Ideas: Story Building At Pixar, Ed Catmull explains that originality is very fragile: “In its first form, the films are far from pretty. We call them ‘ugly babies.’ They need nurturing—in the form of time and patience—in order to grow.” Pixar usually gives 2-3 years to turn an “ugly baby” into a film.
  • 264. The Beast and The Baby With ideas, you can develop a Viking-or-Victim mentality, too. After the success of Toy Story 2, the Pixar team was exhausted. It took nearly five years to create Monsters, Inc. Pixar wanted to feed the beast, produce another sequel. Yet, the creatives wanted to protect the ugly babies.
  • 265. Balancing The Beast and Ugly Babies For Pixar, their Brain Trust (John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton, Brad Bird) balances the Hungry Beast and the Ugly Babies.
  • 266. Design Studios: UX Ugly Baby Solution For UX Designers, the Design Studio method provides us with a great mechanism to protect ugly babies..
  • 273. Known for Its Rock Statues
  • 274. Two Mysteries Solved For many years, historians tried to determine two things about Easter Island: 1. How were the statues created there? 2. Where did all of the people go? Both mysteries got solved a few years ago.
  • 275. Statues Were Pushed Up Local inhabitants used stones, wood, and brute force to push the statues up.
  • 276. Massive Deforestation Led to Collapse The tribe on Easter Island was over 10,000 people during its height. When Captain Cook landed, it was reduced to about 100 people. It was avoidable.
  • 277. Smash and Grab = Manipulation Tool “The smash and grab occurs when someone smashes through people’s social boundaries with intimate information, then grab whatever attention and energy you can get your hands on…in our social media world, it’s increasingly difficult to determine what’s a real attempt to connect and what’s performance.” -- Dr. Brene Brown
  • 278. Helicopter Story of Brian Williams Brian Williams was suspended from NBC for six months for smashing-and-grabbing headlines about riding with Seal Team Six when their helicopter was under fire.
  • 279. Gossiping is Smash-and-Grab Gossiping is a smash-and-grab. Someone gossips to draw negative attention towards one of their rivals. Conversely, they start a rumor to draw attention to their self.
  • 280. Seven Types of Social Sharing 90% of social sharing is about sharing relevant information with your connections. 10% of social sharing is a form of smash-and-grab (showing off, getting a reaction).
  • 281. Smash and Grab = Manipulation Tool “With smash and grab, perfectionists use vulnerability to connect with people. It is a way to fast-forward intimacy.” -- Dr. Brene Brown
  • 282. You have worked for two years designing a new product. A marketing person is assigned one week before the release. Several people share details about the last two years. She uses this information to take credit for the past two years. 1. How do you handle this situation? 2. What other smash-and-grabs have you seen? Exercise #11: Scenario
  • 283. Antidote = Understand the Intention Protect yourself and others. Understand the reason(s) you might be hearing this information. Is it a smash and grab? Is there a legitimate business reason?
  • 284. Tell Your Story to People Who Earn It You do not want to share information with people, who have not earned it. They will misunderstand you.
  • 285. Don’t Share Fresh Wounds Publicly Allow for cooling off periods before sharing information with people. An unhealthy perfectionist will use it against you.
  • 286. A Simple Checklist  What need is driving this behavior?  What outcome do I want?  Does it align with my values?  Is this sharing in the service of connection?  Am I genuinely asking people for what I need? Since design is very collaborative, it is easy to mistake need for intimacy. For some reasons, artists and designers crave intimacy and attention.
  • 287. If the words don’t add up, it’s usually because the truth wasn’t included in the equation.
  • 293. Ship-Trap Island Setting for the short story called “The Most Dangerous Game”
  • 294. Rainsford Battles General Zaroff Our hero runs for his life, zigzagging over Ship-Trap Island.
  • 295. Dodges Traps Before Final Showdown Rainsford narrowly escapes 10 different traps before finally killing Zaroff.
  • 296. Zigzagging = Avoiding In some cases, perfectionists want to avoid conflict. So, they delay a potential confrontation for a long time.
  • 297. Zigzagging = Disengaging In some cases, perfectionists want to disengage from work and people. They duck, dodge, and de-prioritize tasks. They major in the minors!
  • 298. Zigzagging ≠ Procrastination Unlike procrastination, zigzagging is actually doing work-related activities. Procrastination is finding other things to do (laundry, watch a movie, sleep).
  • 299. Similar to Maslow’s Jonah Complex Maslow states, "So often we run away from the responsibilities dictated by nature, by fate, or by accident, just as Jonah tried—in vain—to run away from his fate."
  • 300. Postpone a Hard Meeting Perfectionist Meeting Has Been Postponed to Next Week
  • 301. Clean Your Desk, Again and Again You are zigzagging when you clean your desk rather than finishing a project.
  • 302. Waiting for the Perfect Moment You go through multiple scenarios and seem to freeze up.
  • 303. “We fear our highest (and lowest) possibilities. We are generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect conditions, under conditions of great courage. We enjoy and thrill to the godlike possibilities we see in ourselves in such peak moments. Yet, we simultaneously shiver with weakness, awe, and fear before these very same possibilities.” -- Abraham Maslow
  • 304. You know you should have a difficult discussion with another designer. You notice you have been avoiding this confrontation. You find other work to do, but you know the problem will only get worse. You zigzag constantly. 1. How do you stop zigzagging? 2. How do you handle difficult conversations? Exercise #12: Scenario
  • 305. Knowledge is in the End Based on Acknowledgement
  • 306. Antidote = Name Your Fear • Fear of the Unknown • Fear of Change • Fear of Sudden Pain • Fear of Failure • Fear of Losing Control • Fear of the Spotlight • Fear of New Ideas • Fear of the Future • Fear of Your Identity • Fear of Standing Out • Fear of Being Ridiculed • Fear of Responsibility • Fear of Massive Success • Fear of Being Exposed • Fear of New People • Fear of New Technology “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” -Elbert Hubbard
  • 307. Next Step is to Take Action In the US Army, Captains tell their soldiers to shoot, move, and communicate.
  • 308. The Most Dangerous Game Rainsford continually acknowledged his situation, moved, and communicated.
  • 309. Fear Has Two Meanings • Negative = Forget Everything And Run • Positive = Face Everything And Rise It is really a choice!!!
  • 310. There are only two options: make progress or make excuses.
  • 315. The Pit and the Pendulum
  • 327. Exercise #13: GOSPA Worksheet
  • 328. Example: GOSPA Worksheet Reduce my own procrastination Improve my time management 1. Project time management 2. Manage my deliverables 1. Time management training 2. Training on specific tools 1. Attend time manager webinar 2. Put dates on team calendar
  • 329. It’s better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest of your life.
  • 331. 11 February 1990: Robben Island
  • 332. Nelson Mandela is Released
  • 333. 24 June 1995: Rugby World Cup
  • 334. Mandela Takes Team to Robben Island
  • 335. Mandela Talks about Invictus
  • 339. He Removes Foreboding Joy They are playing on their home field. Mandela says the nation is grateful.
  • 340. He Removes Procrastination He tells them to play with a sense of purpose and urgency.
  • 341. He Removes Sarcastic Remarks The retreat to Robben Island provided focus.
  • 342. Their Training = No Numbing Mandela talk about how they are prepared. They can do it.
  • 343. He Removes Viking-Victim Thinking Mandela tells them that they are men with wives and children, too.
  • 344. He Removes Smash and Grab Mandela took them away to Robben Island to focus and avoid the press.
  • 345. Seize the Moment, Don’t Zigzag They were playing New Zealand in a few hours. Face the competition.
  • 346. It was NOT about RESISTANCE It was about RESILIENCE
  • 347. South Africa Wins Championship
  • 348. Pixel Perfect: Strategies for Overcoming Design Perfectionism