1.
me: I'm gonna start eating healthy Also me: treat yourself one last time, you deserve it
2.
Me: I feel awful Doctor: Try eating a well balanced diet Me: ehhhh. What else you got
3.
Personal Trainer: No pain, no gain Me: Deal
4.
I diet every day until about noon.
5.
Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower.
6.
"Why can't I lose weight?" he thought, while comfortably laying in bed drinking a cookies n cream milkshake.
7.
Drinking wheatgrass juice is a great way to know what being a lawnmower tastes like.
8.
Why do I feel like shit whenever I eat pizza? Am I not eating enough pizzas
9.
me: I'm gonna start eating healthy and exercising *hears bag of chips being opened* me:
10.
I long to go back in time and revel in that feeling of desperate optimism that swept over me 6 days ago when I bought this bag of spinach.
11.
SUNDAY: buys $100 worth of groceries MON: baked salmon with asparagus TUES: hamburgers WED: I'm out of ideas let's order pizza
12.
Me: I'm going to start working out tomorrow. Him: You say that every day. Me: Yes but this time I'm not drunk.
13.
Doctor: drink 2 cups of water before each meal Me: why? D: it tricks your stomach into thinking its full M: that sounds like a mean trick
14.
Me after saying no to mimosas at brunch once
15.
Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*
16.
AT A WHOLE FOODS: this change begins now. a better diet means a better me. AT A GAS STATION: whats these two slushies taste like... together
17.
1. Wear Fitbit 2. Pack gym clothes 3. Pack salad 4. Go to work 5. Eat donut 6. Go out for lunch 7. Skip gym Rinse and Repeat.
18.
When you cheat on your diet.
19.
The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I'll be dead and won't have to do this anymore