Accused of revealing too much, Aussie blogger Reservoir Dad prefers disclosure over discretion
Even though I finished reading the Fairfax article on the rise of the Daddy Blogger almost an hour ago, one line is still dancing inside my braincase, pointing it’s index finger to the hip and to the sky like a 1980s John Travolta, and driving me to distraction.
‘Apparently,’ I say to Reservoir Mum, who has just arrived back home after a full Brazilian at the local …. ‘I’m an oversharer?’
‘Yeah, I read that,’ she says with a shrug.
‘Do you think that’s true?’ I ask. ‘Do you think I over share on my blog?’
‘I wouldn’t say you overshare,’ she says. ‘It’s just that you write about things that most other people would never write about because they feel… fear, or… shame.’
‘Well said,’ I say. ‘I wish the journalist had said it like that. The oversharer tag is usually reserved to describe gushing teens, or to dismiss the contribution of Mummy Bloggers. Now Daddy Bloggers are copping it. It’s too negative. I don’t like it… anyway, how was your full brazillion?’
‘Painful,’ she says.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘Your poor labia…’
Several minutes pass before I can distract myself from thinking of RM’s labia and get back on track. I hate the term ‘overshare’. But before I can tackle that I need to decide if I fit the mold. Am I an ‘oversharing Daddy Blogger’?
I have a stream of consciousness approach to writing and rely on actual conversations and real life events for material. I’ve written posts about the ups and downs of my mental state, have revealed my insecurities about parenting and sob-wrote birthday posts for my children. I’ve written from a place of devastation about my struggles dealing with our miscarriage.
I once wrote an entire article on shaving my genitals, videotaped my own vasectomy as it was happening and have posted photos of myself ironing naked and dancing in boxer shorts (for her pleasure of course). I’ve even named our regular date night times and rituals so that Reservoir Mum gets enthusiastic winks and Groucho Marx eyebrows from colleagues as she’s leaving work on a Friday evening (woops).
After writing my reviews for Season One of “House Husbands”* a regular reader wrote I can’t watch an episode of house husbands without wondering what crazy sexual advance RM is enduring at that exact moment in time. My mother-in-law once made it clear that she knew more about the rhythms of my sex drive than she probably should. I’ve had genuine emails from people thanking me for my honesty, sharing in my humour, detailing similar traumas and celebrations, and offering me all kinds of support. My life and thoughts are out there for everyone with an internet connection to see.
So yes, I guess I fit the mold. To may people I am an oversharer.
But now that I’ve accepted and admitted to it I feel I need to defend my kind. To do this I first need to reject the term and replace it with something more positive and powerful. Here it comes.
I am a Revealer. I opt for honesty and allocate censorship to a lower priority and this may mean that thousands of mother-in-laws get an insight into my thankfully active sex life, and that the ups and downs of my mental state are constantly updated for public record but this gives me exactly what a Revealer needs – a real connection and a genuine exchange.
My parent’s generation, my generation and even many in GenY may find the Revealer strange, confronting or even offensive. They might instinctively move to dismiss or to ridicule. But it’s my guess – and my observation after several years as a Revealer – that those same people will continue to read, or watch, or listen to us, whether they encounter us in the blogosphere, or through reality TV shows, or in person.
Why? Because Revealers offer support for those sharing a similar experience. They provide insight and awareness to those from different walks of life. They offer motivation to open up and break free for some and simply a short reprieve from the daily grind for others. With the help of the web and social media Revealers now offer an unlimited number of resources to an unlimited number of people. And that exposure to Revealers is encouraging countless others to open up and to go on the reveal.
Our numbers are growing and with each passing generation the resistance to the Revealer weakens. Our children are being born into a world of unscripted and unrehearsed TV where real people replace fictional characters. They encounter raw status updates multiple times a day and pass messages of joy or sadness by video within minutes.
Old ideas of privacy are becoming irrelevant, our definition of what is embarrassing or inappropriate or not worthy of sharing is changing. We’re stripping back the doubt and hesitation of past generations and potentiating a truer form of honesty. We’re remembering the less hesitant, less inhibited human.
The oversharer comes from our fearful past.
The future is for the Revealer.
*Channel Nine’s House Husbands is a TV series that places four stay at home Dads as the main characters. Despite turning to stereotypes to get the laughs occasionally House Husbands is ground breaking in focusing on men in the domestic role and confronts many gender-related issues facing today’s modern families.
—photo by Chicago Art Department/Flickr
You had me with ‘…anyway, how was your full brazillion?’ lol
You constantly seem to take stuff that I think about on a regular basis and dump it on paper. Thanks again for the inspiring post!