By now you know it’s common for toddlers to stomp in defiance when asked to do something they don’t want to do — like leaving the playground or eating their peas. And nearly every toddler also has a “me do it” attitude, insisting that they can pour the cereal, choose an outfit, and, yes, brush their own teeth, alone, without you helping in any way.

It’s one thing to let your tot handle the Cheerios (it’s just breakfast). But when it comes to brushing his teeth, your child’s oral health is at stake, which means you can’t skip it or let him have full rein.

In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says parents should be on hand to help children brush their teeth until at least around age 6 to 8, at which point kids may be able to brush well, rinse and spit into the sink.[1] (A good rule of thumb: Once your child can tie his shoelaces on his own, he likely has the manual dexterity to brush his teeth by himself too.) Some dentists even say that parents should help until their kids are at least 10, or as long as possible.

Until he’s mastered brushing on his own, get ready to settle into the routine of helping your tot brush his teeth twice a day. Read on for more about this stage, including why some kids refuse to go near a toothbrush, why good brushing is critical[2] and tips for making this task a bit easier for everyone involved.

Why won’t your toddler brush his teeth? 

It’s not uncommon for kids to resist brushing their teeth on occasion or even much of the time — and the reasons are varied, depending on the child. Here’s why your toddler may not want to brush:[3]

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  • It’s about control. Toddlers are a rebellious bunch and aren’t always willing to comply with everyday requests (it’s shocking, we know!).
  • There’s gagging. Ugh! The gag reflex that is triggered when the brush reaches the back teeth or tongue can feel uncomfortable to your tot.
  • The taste. Even though the flavor of kids’ toothpaste is supposed to appeal, the minty-fresh or bubblegum taste isn’t always a fan favorite.  
  • He’s tired. This is a common reason why toddlers just don’t want to stand at the sink and brush, particularly in the evening after a long day of play.
  • It’s scary. Fear can sometimes contribute to toothbrush resistance. Instead of approaching your child with the toothbrush, try standing behind him in the mirror and letting him watch what you’re doing as you brush.
  • It's not routine. As difficult as it can be, particularly if he’s resistant, do your best to make brushing a daily habit for your child both in the morning and before bed.
  • It's uncomfortable to his sensitive gums. Sometimes the sensation of the toothbrush bristles on his teeth and gums can feel funny or even unappealing to a sensitive toddler.

Why is it important to brush your toddler’s teeth? 

As much as your tot may resist his toothbrush, getting in there to clean his teeth twice a day is very important. The reason: Tooth decay is the biggest dental issue seen in preschoolers. One in 10 2-year-olds already has at least one cavity, as do more than a quarter of 3-year-olds. By age 5, almost 50 percent of kids have one or more cavities.[4]

Many people think that since baby teeth eventually fall out and are replaced by permanent teeth, it’s not as important to brush them daily. But good dental hygiene is still critical in the toddler and preschool years, since toddler tooth decay and gum disease can impact adult teeth and lead to more dental woes later in life.

Tips for getting your child to brush his teeth 

The struggle is real at the bathroom sink, but know that with a little time, patience and some well-placed humor, you can ease your child into a solid brushing routine. Here’s how:

  • Begin early. Before his teeth start to emerge, you can wipe his gummy grin with a damp cloth after feeding sessions. Once his first tooth erupts, introduce a toothbrush (teething toothbrushes are a great first option) and explain what you’re doing as you brush his teeth. The goal is to lay the foundation for good dental habits from a young age and making brushing teeth a regular task.
  • Ask the expert. If he’s been resisting your attempts, ask your child's doctor or dentist at the next appointment to explain why brushing his teeth is so important. The next time your tot zips his lips, remind him what the "expert" said.
  • Demonstrate it. Let your child watch you or your partner clean your teeth so he can see how you do it.
  • Shop smart. It’s completely fine to appeal to his favorites! Let your tot pick out his own toothbrush or spring for one that lights up (just make sure it’s anti-gagging and has soft or extra soft bristles). Let him choose the toothpaste flavor too, as long as it has the American Dental Academy Seal of Acceptance.
  • Let him try. After you’ve finished brushing his teeth, let your child hold the brush and give it a go. Just supervise the toothpaste amount closely: The AAP recommends a tiny rice-sized smear for kids under 3, and a pea-sized amount for kids between ages 3 and 6. Too much fluoride daily can lead to changes in the tooth enamel, such as discoloration and pitting, also known as dental fluorosis.
  • Brush his stuffed friend's "teeth" too. Suggest your tot practice his brushing skills on a doll or stuffed animal (sans toothpaste, of course). When he's done, ask if you can do a final "check" of your own with his toothbrush — and finish up the job.
  • Set a timer. Tell your little one that you only have to brush his teeth as long as the timer on your phone or the one from the kitchen is ticking. Two minutes is the goal here.
  • Add another brush. If one brush isn’t cutting it, offer a second. This way, he can brush his own way and you can get in there and do a more thorough job at the same time. 
  • Divide the mouth. After your child brushes the easy front teeth, you can tackle the back ones. 
  • Make it silly. Sing a goofy song, make up rhymes, or "accidentally" brush his nose ("oops!") with water as you quickly work to get the job done.
  • Take a break. Got tears? Give the toothbrush a rest and come back to it a little later.

What happens when your child doesn’t brush his teeth? 

There’s a real risk of long-term damage if you don’t brush your child’s teeth regularly. In fact, even babies can develop tooth decay, which often occurs when little ones are allowed to sleep with a bottle of milk or juice, or sip constantly from it during the day.

Cavities, tiny holes in the tooth enamel, are a big concern too, as is gingivitis, which is the first stage of gum disease.[5]

When to call the doctor or dentist 

If you’ve hit a wall with your child when it comes to brushing his teeth, check in with the dentist or pediatrician for advice. And definitely make an appointment if you spy signs of decay in your tot’s mouth, which can look like chalky white, brown or yellow spots or lines.

If you suspect your child has particularly sensitive teeth, ask the dentist about a product or brushing method that might make the process more comfortable for him.

Hang in there! Over time, your toddler's tooth-brushing routine should become easier as he gets used to it. Until then, keep your cool and your sense of humor!