These are comments by Gint, Krissy, and Bonnie on the post “Should You Tell Your Girlfriend, Wife, Partner, Family and Friends that You’re Suffering with Mental Illness?“
Gint Aras said:
This was such an excellent piece.
When I learned I had PTSD, I told the people closest to me. I found out who my friends and family were very very quickly. It’s true that most people will leave you to your own devices. But you’ll also learn who won’t. Some of the support I got–my wife and brother–did not surprise me. But some of it was utterly surprising and unexpected.
I also discovered zen and yoga. In short, it was a transformation, a cleansing of toxicity. If you can find the courage to admit your illness, it’ll reap rewards. You might also make progress you otherwise wouldn’t. All of that is, in my experience, exactly true.
Krissy said:
I am completely opposed to these people who tell you that you should not talk about your diagnosis. Keeping everything in shameful ignorance will not help things change. I’m really glad you are writing about your experiences.
It is hard writing about mental illness (I do a lot of it) because for us, this is our normal. What does it mean to be “ill”? What does it mean that I have to care what other people think of my brain chemistry? Bah.
I comfort myself with the belief that no one actually has it easy. Good luck on your journey.
Bonnie said:
I can’t imagine keeping this a secret from a partner or close family member. It’s not as if they haven’t seen symptoms and it can help them understand. My husband was diagnosed with bipolar about 10 years ago and he’d had symptoms since he was a teenager. Giving it a name gave us power.
I joined support groups and studied everything I could get my hands on to help me understand what he was going through and what I could do to support him. He couldn’t really describe it to me, I had to find the words and ask him if they fit. I realized that I’d already been doing things that minimized some of the symptoms intuitively and I learned from others who had similar issues. I eventually wrote a book called “love has its ups and downs” about supporting a spouse with bipolar without losing your own mind.
I’ve learned that supporting my husband is no harder than supporting a healthy husband–it is just a little different. It’s sad that there are people who will run when they hear the diagnosis. They are certainly no match for the perfect partner they want.
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I am so glad that you were able to get support and help. I have the more compound version, Type II Trauma, and have sought lots of help that has been great. The tricky thing is learning that there are some people with whom it is dangerous to share. There are bullies and predators who will take advantage of it. If one is in a work environment where people are often plotting, back-stabbing, and being let go, that is not the environment in which to share, nor is it good for PTSD. With PTSD, one always has to seek the… Read more »
Bonnie: I hate the word envious to describe how I feel, but I am that. My partners and family have never understood PTSD and probably never will care to educate themselves out of their own fears and ignorance. I hide most of my symptoms from them, living in a little tiny box through the intensities of it all, and my stomach takes the brunt of it. I suppose it would be considered “polite” or “caring” of me to say this and continue on the way I’ve been going for their sakes, but I am no longer able to do just… Read more »