Marie Roker-Jones loves black men. But the ones that appear to be angry all the time—well, she wants to know why.
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Now wait. Before you say I am “selling you out”, I love black men. My husband is a black man, my father was a black man, my brother is a black man, and I’m raising two future black men. As much as I love black men and I will defend them passionately, I am losing patience with angry black men. Because of you, the stigma of “angry black man” looms over the head of most black men. You have created the blueprint by which black men are judged. Black men have to play it cool when they are expressing themselves in order to not be mistaken as you.
I’m not talking about the passion, frustration and natural anger that a black man expresses. I’m talking about the black men who seem to be only capable of striking with words because he presumes every one is against him.
I will not profess to understand what you experience on a daily basis. It must be difficult and painful to have to deal with stereotyping, fear and criticism. I empathize with your pain of having to prove to others that you are not dangerous or a threat to society. However, you need to be accountable for your behavior and how you influence the next generation of black men.
I am tired of seeing young black men with chips on their shoulders who are so ready to prove their manhood by being violent and disrespectful. I urge you angry black men to “be better, not bitter”. I know that this is easier said than done, but you are not the only one who deals with discrimination, ignorance, and disregard. By behaving the way you do, you are perpetuating the same stereotype that makes you angry.
You need to stop this vicious cycle of anger. You have to be conscious of how this anger permeates families and communities. This anger is destroying family values and is so steeped into your core that you lash out at strangers, family, friends of anyone you feel is “out to get you”. As a result, we have black boys who are displaying the same anger and frustration. It’s sad to see black boys that lack self-control and are disrespectful.
Stop blaming the “white man” for all your woes. There are other brothers out there who have faced the same challenges and adversity as you and are doing great things with their life. They are not letting anger control them. They understand that while racism and discrimination is still prevalent in our society, they choose to respond and not react to these situations.
Stop cursing people out for minor infractions. Stop sitting on the train grilling like you are waiting for someone to start with you. Stop trying to intimidate those you want to control because you lack self-control. Stop making excuses for what’s holding you back in life. There are people who have done more with their lives with less resources. Stop thinking black women are the enemy. If the black women you are encountering are bitter and resentful, move on. Don’t try to be in a relationship with them and bring children into your misery. Stop looking for a target for your anger. Most importantly, stop taking the low road, you are making it hard for the strong and emotionally healthy black men.
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photo: maria gertsovskaya / flickr
Bitch Please You Dont Know Why The Black Man’s Angry? must of gotten some white dick
What a selfish way to stigmatize black men. No sympathy for black men struggling just the same man up and deal with it lesson. You perpetuate the cycle so please stop.
If you honestly believe that the conduct of any black person, male or female, is the reason for the stereotyping…you are living the black experience with your eyes closed. White America has never needed a reason to hate us and they still don’t. Maybe things have changed for you, as an individual, or for your family as a whole but for black people as a people, nothing has changed. I think your perspective and subsequent expression of said perspective is harmful to your own people. I have so much I would like to say in response but honestly, the attitude… Read more »
Syn, Thank you for your insightful feedback. I appreciate your input about finger wagging instead of empathy. I can understand how my post comes off more as a lecture than an empathetic plea. My empathy for the boys and young men who I’ve met who have been left this “legacy of anger” inspired me to write this post. As I mentioned in previous posts, while I understand the underlying factors that contribute to the anger, it pains me to see those who have been affected by this anger. I also can relate to being unfairly referenced as an angry black… Read more »
I totally agree with you. Great article. Some of these ‘people’ who commented also validated EVERYTHING you said. I imagine that they are too ignorant to know that however. Speak the truth whenever you can and minds will surely open.
I’m not a man but I figured that wasn’t a prerequisite to commenting on the article since a woman wrote it. When I read the post, it didn’t come across as a plea but it lunged at me similar to when some people refer to Black women as “angry”. Most of the time when I’ve been referenced as such or heard others called that, it was an immediate acknowledgement of something said/done in response to someone else. I’ve never heard it stated from someone who took out the time to see why any of the women appeared to be angry.… Read more »
there are plenty of angry young men of all races. the problem is some are allowed to burn it out and others are shot for it.
Nice work. I can sense the anger that these men express much of the time. It’s sort of a white noise throughout my life. There have been times where I felt that I was being held down by “the white man” or “the man” or “the system”. My response: more education, a larger vocabulary, a better job. When I’m angry about how I’m characterized, my first response is to show them (whoever they may be) how wrong they are. I’m not hyper-violent, hyper-sexualized, and unintelligent; I’m willing to prove it.
Hi Christian,
Thank you for your comment. The point I was trying to make in this article is that the anger that is being expressed just leads to more stereotyping. Good for you for being aware of how changing situations in your life helps you to show it rather than allow anger to justify it.
The specific behaviors Marie is citing would, indeed, be better replaced on each individual level by the ones she is recommending. However, most behavioral changes don’t come as a result of individual willpower. Behavioral changes on a societal level occur after environmental inputs shift on a societal level. The impassioned description given by Max in his defense of Bigger Thomas to the court in Richard Wright’s “Native Son” comes to mind. As frustrating as it can be to us, the change doesn’t come from each young black man choosing to presence a more docile facade. The change will come from… Read more »
Thank You!
i agreed with nearly all that you have pointed out, but there is a choice that each of has to make to whether we will adhere to the guidelines set by our brothers and sisters and follow their path or make our own. That is the reason that despite tons of people from the same backgound/house/nieghborhood/econmonic statu/etc. there are some that break free and are not hindered by what brings down others. I agree that the changes u mentioned will make it much easier for change to occur but in the end it always comes down to a personal choice.
Hi Aaron,
Thank you for your comment. You’re right-It does come down to personal choice. I understand that the anger is misplaced and that some unfortunate circumstances contribute to the anger but at some point in your life, you have to ask yourself if this anger is helping or hurting you in life.
Ouch. I’m sure you mean well, but this doesn’t come across very pleasantly . . . ‘all the time’ seems a little extreme. Personally, I don’t think it’s a level playing field at all, and the land of opportunity simply isn’t selling well these days. That goes across skin colors. The youth of today face humongous challenges, and I’m assuming you’re talking about mostly young men. In parts of Europe, such as Spain, the rate of unemployment for adults under 25 is over 40%. There is plenty to be concerned about, though I agree that anger won’t solve anything. Out… Read more »
Hi Lawrence,
Thank you for your comment. I realize that my post comes off as a berating and I understand that there are factors that contribute to the anger. I appreciate your insight into how young men in other parts of the world are affected by unemployment. I’ve sat down with quite a few angry young men to talk about their anger and the root of their anger. Those who felt accountable for their actions were more responsive, while others felt that their anger was justified and just didn’t want to do anything about it.