It seems that most college-bound women are, from the first minutes of orientation, warned about the possibility of sexual assault. They are told where not to go, what not to drink, who not to be alone with, where not to walk, and what not to wear. However, many women have learned about the realities of sexual assault from the internet. We know how what the survivor was wearing at the time doesn’t matter in the face of assault, and how utterly toxic victim blaming is. Instead of emphasizing the importance of teaching consent, society teaches women what not to do in order to protect themselves.
It’s no secret that sexual assault is a massive issue on college campuses. Many universities ignore or dismiss reports to keep campus crime rates low, prevent loss of donations, or uphold their reputation. A 2015 survey detailed the rates of sexual assault and related violence at 27 major American universities, and found that over 20% of female college students reported being the victim of sexual misconduct or assault, a finding consistent with other commonly reported statistics. Yet, 91% of colleges reported zero cases of rape in 2014.
Fortunately, there are organizations that are trying to change the culture on campus, and raise awareness of sexual assault. And the nonprofit Know Your IX also has this guide to what your school should be doing to prevent sexual violence and support survivors on campus.
We asked outgoing high school seniors how the prevalence of college sexual assault, rape culture, or their own past experiences have impacted their feelings about being incoming college freshman. This is what they had to say:
I was going to prom with one of my good friends. He frequently asked if we were going to hook up and I repeatedly told him no. At one point I told him that he needed to stop asking and I was not comfortable, and he responded with, "Okay, I'll stop asking but does that mean I can assume we're going to hook up?" It's disgusting to see how some guys expect sexual things from women for doing nice things. I'm terrified of being sexually assaulted. It sickens me that I can't go out with my friends and have a good time because I always need to be alert of the people around me. But the thing that terrifies me the most, is if I am assaulted and I go to the school and they do nothing. If I have to look at the person who did awful things to me everyday because the school doesn't want to be known as a "sexual assault ridden school." The act itself is terrifying, but the thought of my school doing everything to keep me quiet instead of addressing the problem is the worst. -Alyson, NY
I'm scared of entering a culture where there’s lack of education about sexual consent, but I'm glad to be aware that there is a problem, versus having to figure it all out on my own when classes start. I feel like I'm building my guard up, and as someone who's already been subjected to sexual abuse, I’m very cautious of being caught in a situation where I'm unable to escape. I'm considering signing up for self defense classes with my friend, and I've already Googled "tips" on how to keep safe at parties, to walk to my car, or just to exist as a woman. It's not something I'm constantly thinking about, but rather it's consistently in the back of my mind, never truly forgotten. I haven't discussed any of this with my parents, but I do talk about it with my girl friends who are the same age as me (we're the ones who are affected, anyway). - Angela, TN
You grow up with people warning you to not talk to strangers and never take candy from them. When I got older, those stranger danger presentations changed to presentations about drinking, drug abuse, smoking, bullying, and a number of other things. While the presentations have been informative to varying degrees, there has been one topic that I don’t really recall being addressed: assault. More specifically, rape and rape culture. We spend so much time learning about some dangers in the world, but my high school did not teach me about the dangers of rape. They gave a presentation on bullying every year. They showed a video about one scenario of domestic violence, but that scenario? It showed verbal abuse, mental abuse, and physical abuse, but only in that the abuser hits the abused and hurts her physically. There was no discussion of the dangers of rape in any form in any school I have been to. That is terrifying. Our school administration did not teach us about the effects of rape or give us a safe space where we would be comfortable talking about it. Of course there are the counselors, but that isn’t enough. Who — in a society where rape is rarely spoken about or mentioned outside of news platforms — would feel comfortable talking about such things with an adult, even if you’re supposed to trust them? - Nihi, MD
It is extremely scary to me to see how some colleges don’t take rape and assault seriously, or even attempt to ensure incidents don't happen again. This makes me question how I wish to portray myself and how I wish to act, which is something I scold myself for but I know I cannot be ignorant to the present dangers on campuses. This includes how I dress, substances I take, etc. … I can no longer have the opinion that "it won't happen to me" because the reality is that it can. My parents have always allowed me to be confident with who I am, what I do, how I act, what I wear, and so on and so forth, but we have had the discussion that that may have to change when I get to college. They have the mindset that rape/assault is never the victim's fault, but they also know that it isn't that simple and that in some cases, there are hardly any repercussions for attackers. - Sophia, NY
For graduating seniors, my school has a “Senior Seminar” day where we discuss troubling situations that may arise in college. When a police officer was called in to speak to the girls specifically, I was shocked. I was shocked to hear that a bullhorn and pepper spray was recommended, and I was shocked to hear that self-defense classes were strongly recommended. Until we stop condoning rape culture and normalizing and trivializing assault, we unfortunately have to be responsible for defending ourselves. It’s a sad truth that fear is going to dictate our social lives in college. Even though I like to think of myself as responsible, the reality is that I really won’t be able to let my guard down, ever, and at a time when I should be learning and enjoying life, protecting myself will always be in the back of my mind. - Hannah, FL
My parents are both lawyers. I’ve been specifically told that if anything happens to me, I should call the police. I shouldn’t report to the college. That, I think, is the hallmark of the biggest problem on college campuses. Why shouldn’t I trust my safety to the college that I’m paying thousands of dollars to attend? Why should I stop looking at others without blind fear in my eyes? - Alexandra, NY
Personally, I was truly impacted by the idea of rape culture when I was drugged at a small get-together. Thankfully I was not raped, but going into college I am fearful of the same situation occurring. This idea of thinking it is acceptable to "drug" a female and the lack of consequences further proves the rape culture that surrounds us. - Sydney, TN
I'd say the threat has definitely made me more aware of my surroundings. Growing up, my parents would always tell me to be careful with who I choose to trust because I have to look out for myself when other people won't. It really forces you to grow up and mature emotionally because you start to realize that not everyone has your best interests in mind, and you have to watch out for those people who will be toxic to you and your health. - Crystal, NY
Every formal conversation about sexual assault so far in my education has come with an asterisk. "Yes, rape is bad," the teacher will say, but will be brisk in adding the vitality of how women should take steps to prevent it. "Carry pepper spray, don't walk outside alone, keep your drink covered" — it's that bulleted list of measures all women know from a young age. The irony is how little they can prevent anything at all; in the event, your control is all but nonexistent. I don't believe men are capable of understanding how exhausting women's concern about being raped really is. It's a permeating fear, prevalent in a stroll down the street or a too-long lingering male customer at your job. I am comfortable in my own agency and being, but the idea of that being taken away is what terrifies me most. - Willa, NY
Back in the 10th grade, I visited a university. Having come straight from the airport, I was wearing a big T-shirt and leggings. After the campus visit was over, my mom pulled me aside and told me that there had been a couple of boys looking at me and my leggings in a way that made her uncomfortable. She told me not to wear leggings when I got to college.
When I got into college, the first thing I decided to do was make a list of all the things I'd need to pack. At the top of the list, I wrote two words: "Pepper Spray." I didn't think twice about it. To me, it was just part of being a girl on a college campus. I had casually brought it up with one of my college friends while visiting a school. Straight faced, she pulled one immediately out of her bag. It was an accepted necessity.
In just a couple of months, I'll be living on a college campus. While I will be excited about all the possibilities before me, a couple of questions still echo in my mind. Why is carrying around pepper spray normal for college girls? Why can't I wear my favorite leggings? Why do boys catcalling me suddenly make me feel more like an object than a person? I guess I'll find out — but I shouldn't have to. - Katherine, TX
The prevalence of sexual assault and rape culture has definitely been weighing on my mind heavily recently. We watched The Hunting Ground, a documentary about the sexual assault epidemic on college campuses, in my AP Government class recently and it horrified me. Before watching it, I had already known about the huge problem through friends and the media (i.e. the performance art piece at Columbia University, "Carry That Weight," and the Stanford rape case), but watching The Hunting Ground made it so real. Seeing how so many colleges try to silence or flat out ignore victims as not to tarnish the school's good name made me feel physically sick. It's like the school's reputation is worth more than the lives and well-being of the exact students they're trying to attract. I want to believe that the college I have chosen will fight for me, not against me, if anything bad should happen. I don't want to pay over $60,000 a year for a school to turn its back on me when I need its help the most.
The thing that weighs the most on my psyche, though, is just how unsafe I feel in my body. Everyone wants to feel like they have autonomy and are in control, but just living and existing in a female body automatically makes you a target. Having to constantly worry about your physical safety, even around people you know, really takes a huge toll. And the fact that the majority of sexual assault is committed by people you already know is horrifying. It's like you can never let your guard down. I just want to be able to feel safe in my body, but just being born a woman makes that impossible at this point. - Anya, CA
No one really talks about sexual assault until you tell them "I’ll be going to so-and-so college this year" that they break out stories of their own experiences. It was actually one of the first things my friends currently in college told me about. They told me about specific fraternities I should avoid because of the amount of sexual assaults that happened there or simply because they themselves were attacked or raped in these places. They directed me to self-defense classes offered on campus and told me about measures to take to avoid being alone at night and putting yourself in a vulnerable position. These kinds of precautions have impacted many of the decisions I’ve made as an incoming freshman. I chose a suite-style dorm because I wanted suitemates to know where I was and to hear me when I came in, on the off-chance that I stayed out late, or call my mom and campus security if I didn’t. Especially with political tension being how it is, my roommate and I have started preparing for anything that might come our way, since we are both minorities. Even with my caution bordering on paranoia (maybe that’s a good thing — better safe than sorry), I still get scared that it won’t be enough. I’m a small, not exactly fit girl so I can only do so much to protect myself. It doesn’t make me regret my college choice, because I know that sexual assault and rape can happen really anywhere. However, it does make you wish there was some way of ensuring it won’t happen to anyone else. But that might be too optimistic. - Liz, NC
Sexual violence on campus has always been something I've been conscious of, at least vaguely. I remember being 15 and seeing Emma Sulkowicz's mattress performance and thinking how horrible [her situation was]. I remember being disgusted by how Brock Turner was handled with kid gloves in spite of what seemed like a preponderance of evidence against him and being even more disgusted when he was released after only three months. I remember seeing chilling statistics about how almost a quarter of women and around 5% of men experience rape or sexual assault as undergraduates. Yet in spite of my knowledge, and in spite of how much I felt and how much I cared, the issue felt almost distant until I really knew I was heading off to college soon. It wasn't something my family discussed beyond a few quick remarks after college tour guides mentioned their safety policies. I guess you could say I'm scared. For myself less, than for every person who will face sexual violence and get no justice. I am scared that we continue to live in a country that doesn't seem to care about sexual violence on campus or in the upper echelons of power. I am scared because sexual violence is normalized and I don't know when, if ever, I will see it change. - Ellie, MN
We are taught from a young age to do the right thing and respect others, but why does that stop when we hit puberty and it comes to the topic of rape? We are constantly focused on stories of victims of the rape culture on campus, but we should really be focusing on the root of the problem: the perpetrators. They’re the ones that should be taught to distinguish right from wrong in these situations For example, the perpetrators are sometimes friends or acquaintances of the victim so they justify their actions because they aren’t a complete stranger. Often the perpetrator is unaware they are raping their partner and those distinctions need to be taught and addressed. - Elizabeth, NY
Honestly, I know I don't concern myself with the reality of rape culture as much as I should. Part of that might be because I am an athlete, so I've always felt in control of my own body as a result of my physical strength. But the fact is, anyone can fall victim to sexual assault and rape. ... No one is immune to date rape drugs, and anyone can be taken advantage of by a stronger attacker. It's very scary for me to come to terms with the fact that next year, I might be at a party, trying to relax and have a good time, but still have to keep my wits about me 100% of the time. No one expects to be roofied, and maybe the guy that was hitting on you all night and seemed really sweet reveals a darker motive as soon as you give him the chance. Rape culture is real, it's prevalent, and it's something that I am going to have to protect myself from when I'm on my own next year. - Carolyne, IL
There are a lot of things I'm nervous about for college. I'm nervous about being far away from home, nervous about making new friends, nervous about not failing classes, and nervous about sexual assault. I think that's one thing girls have on their list that guys just don't, or at least have a less intimate experience with. There are obviously a lot of stories on the news, especially those crimes on all the news channels about rape and sexual assault on college campuses. I think that's the hardest part — it’s having to expect it, the fact that it's become so normal and so accepted, that girls just consider it something that comes with college and not something that's completely inappropriate.
It's exhausting as a girl to have to keep your guard so high, just in case. There's an amazing quote by Sylvia Plath. She talks about all the adventures she wishes she could have, but simply can't because she's a woman. I relate to this poem so much because I've been in situations where I feel like the odd person out, or I feel like I have to be quiet, or I feel like I have to be as I noticed as possible in order to avoid unwanted attention. - Tess, MA
Responses have been lightly edited for length and clarity.