LinkedIn “Netiquette” Are You Asking for Too Much Too Soon?

I was recently interviewed by my hometown newspaper, the New York Post, about the do’s and don’ts of LinkedIn etiquette. One of the biggest problems I see with people’s approach to using LinkedIn for job search is that many have unrealistic expectations for the online relationship and ask for too much too soon.

Something strange seems to happen to some people when they network online. It’s as if some people think that none of the common rules for building relationships exist. Could you imagine ever saying any of the following things over the phone or in person to someone you don’t know?

1. I’ve seen you walking down this block in the neighborhood before. Want to meet for coffee?
2. Someone told me we used to work for the same company that employs 20,000 people. Want to chat sometime?
3. I found your number in the phone book. Maybe we have something in common.
4. I heard through the grapevine that you work for a company where I would really like to work. Can you tell me more about what it’s like to work there?
5. I found you in the 1997 student alumni directory. I’m a graduate of the class of 1980. Would you like to compare notes?
6. I know I’ve never actually met you before and you have no idea who I am. But someone suggested I say “since you are someone I know and trust, I would like to add you to my network.” Does that work for you? (Hint: that’s verbatim from a LinkedIn template that people seem to use whether they know you or not).
7. You looked like someone I should know so I followed you home, made note of your address and then did a search to find your phone number. Would love to meet formally sometime.
8. I found your name and number written on a cocktail napkin at a local restaurant and I decided to call you. I figured, “what do I have to lose?”

Of course you wouldn’t say any of these things! So why do people think this approach will work online? If you are using LinkedIn or other social media tools to connect with others, create authentic relationships and recognize that the affinity will grow over time. Even on Twitter where there are generally no gatekeepers for connecting with others, it’s still advisable to follow the person for awhile and create a supportive and non-threatening dialogue before bringing the relationship face to face.

I am a fairly open connector on LinkedIn as well as other social media platforms. But I have to know a little bit about you and why you want to connect before I accept. Isn’t that just common sense?

For anyone interested in connecting via LinkedIn, you can find me here. Just be sure to tell me how you found me and why you think we should connect.