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COLUMN: We should not allow chivalry to be dead yet

April 21, 2014
	<p>Cayden Royce</p>

Cayden Royce

The essence of chivalry is dead.

Not just in the U.S., but all over the world. As a German belief and standard of courtship, chivalry is much like the age of the dinosaurs — history.

Although it’s true that the course of meeting people and dating has evolved, it’s sad to see the value of respectful wooing of the opposite has sex long since diminished.

When two people meet at a party, all it takes is a guy sinking a beer pong win to get a girl’s attention. And all a girl has to do is wear something tight and bring pretty friends for guys to notice her.

Growing up in the early cellphone era, my parents taught me that I should never settle for less when it came to dating. My dad told me that I should date someone my own age and quit texting boys so much, and my mother told me to be myself.

They were both right. Although some might argue that age is but a number, I’m not sure 6-year-old Beyoncé would’ve wanted to date her future husband, rapper JAY Z, who was 18 years old at the time.

Maybe it works for the famous power couple because the two are old-fashioned and were friends before considering being something more. My grandparents also saw a major age difference of 12 years, my grandma: the cougar.

But it seemed to have worked for them, because my grandma grew up in a time where chivalry was still a readily-used requirement for romance. To this day, my grandpa is the only man who opens the door for me without fail.

It’s disappointing that chivalry is not part of the dating mix anymore. I’m not saying only men need to be more chivalrous, because women can be just as bad when looking for love.

I’ve heard of women being scared off as a result of grand romantic gestures given by men. My guy friend once took a girl on a hot air balloon ride for a first date, and she almost immediately put him in the friend zone and didn’t pursue a romantic relationship with him.

Sure, some women don’t want an extreme showing of chivalrous acts from males, but it couldn’t hurt for women to be more appreciative of the smaller, more realistic acts of chivalry, too. These could include thanking your man for picking you up from class by buying him a coffee or simply returning the same favors he does for you.

Women are becoming men’s equals in society, and each sex can do its part in praising their significant others and being considerate while building relationships. Both males and females can benefit from being chivalrous with their loved ones and prospective dates.

I have friends who are surprised to receive an admiring, creepy Facebook message from someone they don’t know asking them to hang out. What happened to becoming friends first and meeting each other gradually instead of just cutting to the chase? Girls don’t want to be “hit up” online, they want someone who is confident that will walk up to them on the street and introduce themselves.

It’s easy to adapt to a fast-paced living style, but not every aspect of your life should be rushed. The right person will come along if we let time take its course and guide our future love lives. Just because the right person doesn’t come along right away doesn’t mean you should lower your standards. If you are looking for a genuine relationship, consider the options you have. You can wait for someone that will treat you right or you can jump into a risky relationship with someone you met at a party.

Dating is supposed to be fun, and we shouldn’t glorify people who want to be in a relationship just for the Facebook status. Just like any joy in life, love and relationships should be about the journey, not the destination or social symbol.

Chivalry is an honest behavior that most of us are missing out on. I revel in the occasional gentlemen who treat women with loyalty, honesty and respect.

If you’re in a relationship where you’re undervalued, ignored and not treated like you’re No. 1, then my best advice would be to walk away. Don’t waste your time. There are men out there willing to give up their jacket for you when it’s cold and excite you with romance on meaningful dates.

Former Victoria’s Secret model, Miranda Kerr, waited six months before sharing a kiss with her ex-husband Orlando Bloom. The two are still friends and have an adorable 3-year-old son together. Waiting that long to get to first base is unheard of today.

Even dinosaurs had to curry favor with each other somehow. We all experience dating (if we want to) and make conscious decisions to demean or gratify our efforts. Why not make the best of the dating journey and preserve the custom of chivalry as an adaptation of society.

After all, aren’t we all just looking for somebody?

Cayden Royce is a journalism sophomore. Reach her at roycecay@msu.edu.

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